Position:Home>Poetry> Could you please give me feedback on my poem ??
Question: Could you please give me feedback on my poem !?!?
Lies
I can't even stand
I can't even breathe
And never could I ever believe
You'd turn your back on me
Through all of the nights
And all of the days
I cried, I laughed, I fell, I prayed
But I always thought one thing would remain
Leave it to me to dream the insane
I made a mistake
I spoke from my heart
I guess reality hit you too hard
So you just threw me away
Like a worthless piece of yesterday
So easily you turned around
And ran the other way
If I could choose one thing to say
I'd ask you why that day!?
Couldn't you have warned me!?
Couldn't you have told me!?
If you didn't want to love me
Then why would you pretend!?
If I just had of known the way you felt
It wouldn't of hurt so much in the end
*What do you think of the poem!?
*What do you think Its about!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I like it a lot, it's really honest, and you're really good at expressing your feelings effectively!. My favorite line is "So you just threw me away/Like a worthless piece of yesterday"
To me, it sounds more like you lost a best friend!. Maybe a boyfriend still, but he must have been more than that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
O!.O
Can I use this for a myspace headline thing!?
Perfect for a situation!.!.!.
I'll credit it to whatever you want!.
I love it man!.
And yeah, it's about a breakup!.
Christel - Why do you auto-assume it's a girl's point of view!? Why can't that be from a guys!? In my situation, being the guy, mine is more similar to this than 'hers'Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it's very good!. I would think about rewording the second to the last line!. Take the word "of" out I think!.
I really like it though!. It flows well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
definately a break up and very good
It's from the girls' point of view, and she feels betrayed that her guy just stopped loving herWww@QuestionHome@Com
It's good!. It's about dealing with a break upWww@QuestionHome@Com
I LOVE YOUR POEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thinks its about the lose of something close!.Www@QuestionHome@Com