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Question: Something new and strange!. How can I improve it!?
PERILS OF THOUGHT
I don't know what
to think!.
I thought thinking
make it better,
but it seems
that I thought wrong!.
I thought that we
could be everything,
but the thinking of that!.!.!.
brought about
doom!?
Thinking about it
doesn't help me,
does it you!?
You said it did,
or so I thought,
but what I hear
and what I think
are usually different!.
So in the end,
should I cast away thought,
and merely hold
to the hope
that we could be!.!.!.well,
you know!.
Or will you push
me away,
take a different
stand, this time!.
Will I end up
convincing myself,
that I think I thought I loved you!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
In the 4th line, I'd change the phrase 'make it better' to 'made it better'!.
In the 9th line, take out the unnecessary words from 'but the thinking of that' to 'but thinking that' and also replace the question mark following the 11th line with a period!. You're not asking a question there, it's a statement!. The second question mark is correct however!.
I like your poem!. You've worked at it with correct spelling and the structure is most pleasing!. It flows really well, and it has a nice rhythm and something to say worth the read and even has a great title as well!.
My favorite line is the last one: I think I thought I loved you!.
With only minor changes, in my humble opinion, you've got a real good poem here!. I enjoyed the read!. Very nice job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
know how am i supposed to know what im supposed to think of thinking when i have to think of the thought to think about all this thinking!.!.!. :)
Quiet! im thinking about a thought about thinking!
ya,well, if you sit and think about it too much,
it just becomes sitting!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I love the building up to something that makes sense but is so muddled by the train of thought taken that it is simply perplexing (an oxymoron if ever I said one before) But I am glad to have read this one!.!.!. no matter what we say about it, we do tend to subtly, even to ourselves, lace in bits about our own Psyche into every piece!.!.!. we have to or we couldn't make it what it is!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Why Eva I do believe that is called stealing!.!.!.Who said you could take my personal thoughts and write them down!? :D I think this is really funny at least the line "that we could be!.!.!.well you know" It's very teenager you know!.!.!.that's humorous coming from you!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I can see this was very thought out ;) I very much enjoyed it!. I love to see everyone experimenting with new forms and creative concepts!. Playing with words has always been a favorite of mine as well!. Great job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Really liked the playing around with the word thought/think, but I can't help but think (hee hee) that the poem would work better if it had a playful rhyme scheme!.
I loved the last line!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think I tsaw a puddycat!. Ha ha, Very amusing!. Liked it a lot!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
If you think about it, you will make the wrong choice!. Just do it without thinking and see whare it leads!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Great ending and also the line: "but what I hear!.!.!.!.usually different!." A nice read!.Www@QuestionHome@Com