Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Ok, another one but ive never done one that does not rhyme. tell me what you thi


Question: Ok, another one but ive never done one that does not rhyme!. tell me what you think!?
my poems mostly rhyme and i thought i would try this so don't be too mean, but give me good advice so i know for next time

Beautiful
By Georgia Hammond

When he sees her, he wants to look, but can’t
He wants to hold her, tell her how he feels
So beautiful, so fair, but so evil
So perfect and dazzling, but empty
Her eyes sparkle so blue but are so cold
And hair that shines like diamonds but so grey
She knows she is so stunning and pretty
And she uses it to her advantage
But he sees her when the day’s long gone
Perhaps she wants to be a new person
But he does not know, does not dare to ask
A beauty such rare must come at a price
The girl with blue eyes, but grey hair, she cries
He does not know why but cries for her too
So they both cry when the day is long gone
And both smile when a new day rises
Beauty can change us into something bad
We must look past it to the real thingWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I love the concept of the poem!.!. my only suggestion is to take out most of the "but" s its too repeated !.!. other then that its a very nice poem!.!. u have talentWww@QuestionHome@Com

Your poems will be trash until you stop fantasizing about your self!. Most young love poetry is trite, and this is no exception!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i prefer dark hair!.!.!.!.haha!.!.!.!.but yeah i think its a great poem!.!.!.!.i wish i could help u with it but im not a good teacher lolWww@QuestionHome@Com

That's really good, I like it a lot!.


Good job :)Www@QuestionHome@Com