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Position:Home>Poetry> I am moving to the dark side again. Critique please?Question: I am moving to the dark side again!. Critique please!? Undying Love
No, no this just cannot be It is too harsh a penalty!. To eke out my solitary existence For what will seem an eternity!. Your love will never let that be - reaching from beyond death's boundaries, to sustain and comfort me!. To walk beside me beneath ashen skies Embracing me through endless nights!. Following me through life's travails Until under rain-soaked earth entombed in darkest night I'll lie Not alone!. And gladly will I die!. (That was fun!)Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Darkness falls!.!.!. Granny feels not afraid for her dark side rules this spring night I am getting a mental picture of you wearing your goth as you penned this piece!. The muse!?Www@QuestionHome@Com Welcome to my world!. whaaa haaa haaa!. Try this!. No, this cannot be It's too harsh a penalty a solitary existence, for all eternity!. Our love will never let this be, across death's boundaries!. Sustain me and comfort me, underneath the ashen skies!. Embrace me, endless nights, through my life's travails!. Until under rain-soaked earth, entobed in dark I'll lie!. Most gladly I will die!. Just thought I'd take a shot at one of yours!. I used your instructions and I think it reads better and more direct!. Just my humble opinion though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com you have pictured my side; ha, ha, funny !. !. !. indeed!. "To eke out my solitary existence For what will seem an eternity!." Thank you, I think a lot about it!. Good poem! About the next lines, would you use a noun or pronoun or shall you put a comma and write eventually with small letter the first words of the lines: " Your love !.!.!. to sustain and comfort me, to walk beside me beneath ashen skies, embracing me through endless nights following !.!.!." !?Www@QuestionHome@Com The darker side is always a little more fun!.!.!. but this has feeling behind the shade!.!.!. Sure, it wasn't tea and crumpets but it was something of worth because it is emotion!.!.!. the feeling of being alone jumped out at me, though not you particular intention maybe!.!.!. The world of GrannyJill is always a fun one to enter!.!.!. sorry if my words do not describe the feelings felt here!.!.!. Blessed BeWww@QuestionHome@Com This is wonderful!. I find it romantic!. Dark or not!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Okay!. But stick around for a while!. Lots of whirling like a dervish yet to do!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Fun, just like going to the dentist!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's really good I think, I'm very impressed by this one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |