Position:Home>Poetry> Poetry? Any good?
Question: Poetry!? Any good!?
Random poems from my ever-growing pile, lemme know what you think (Hey, if nothing else, you get two points!.):
"Lost and Broken"
Is he avoiding me!?
Does he see what I see!?
My heart is breakin'!.
He knows I'm achin'!.
Out the corner of his eye!.
He can see my broken cry!.
I'm begging for his shoulder!.
could he get any colder!?
He glances over, then walks away!.
Doesn't bother to say "Hey"!.
You said you would never forget!.
I'm I just another girl in your set!?
You turned your back, changed your mind!.
Never forget, I am a rare kind!.
“Love!?”
Sauntering coolly
With a smile on my face
Outside I look happy
Inside I'm a disgrace
Friends on my shoulders
Loving heartbeat
Butterflies in my stomach
All balancing on two feet
It's the only thing I’ve asked for
Not to be lonely
That's never gonna happen
I start to die slowly
I love him but I can't
The world is to blame
I'm not worthy of love
I'm worthy of shame
Love is supposed to be great
At least that's what I've been told
But when I feel this "love"
I start feeling cold
I know its love
I can taste it
From forces inside me
I can't embrace it
I want you to be mine
But at the same time i want to be alone
I want to talk to you
But I can't pick up the phone!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
These are words to be sung, can you or someone else put them to music!?
My comments: "Lost and Broken - Couplet # 4!.Read it aloud, then change "get" to "be!." Which one do you like better!?
#6!. You probably meant "Am I!."
#7!. The last line needs a tuning!. Keep the idea ,change the words!.
"Love!?"
Line #1!."Sauntering coolly" Ugh!
I really enjoyed this, and I empathize!. When it comes to matters like this, we are all thirteen years old for the rest of our lives!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Now you have a draft, go to work to make it a good poem!.
Use the parts that are strong -- mostly the last few stanzas!. Right now the poem read like any 16 year old girl who got dumped!.
Fight back, with words!. Instead of being the victim, write how much he lost and what you gained in getting rid of the self-absorbed jerk!. Then, once it is ready, publish it in the school paper!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Not really poetry could be the making of a great song lyric though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Pretty awesome!Www@QuestionHome@Com
too whiny, don't show this to anyone!. I don't like it!
too straight forward and emo!. Idk about you but any romantic qualities in poetry is frowned upon because "emo kids" ruined it for everyone!. So anything remotely romantic or meaningful is now a joke because of "emo" kids!.!.!.!.
sorry, but its not a good poem!. Simple structure, you barely go outside the realm of basic!.!.!.words!.
You gotta expand your diction and not be so anti-objectionist in these poems!.
you ask how I know this!?
I'm a slam poet!. Award winning slam poet in Reno, Nevada and Washington D!.C!.
you should be glad I told you what I told you!. Now go write something better!Www@QuestionHome@Com