Would you kindly rate my poem and then offer constructive advice about it...?

Position:Home>Poetry> Would you kindly rate my poem and then offer constructive advice about it...?

Question:

Backlog of Coleslaw Orders
(an original work by me), 25-April-2008

I seek the gratification my wonderous hitch cover,
But she eludes me!. I cry to the ways of the world,
For the shyness of my creature is unlike most others!.
She speaks in a tongue so confounding, that I cry more!.
Gestapo, Estoppel, like I even know the difference!?

I donate my platelets to the manager at hand!.
He hath no sympathy for my paucity of cognitive ability!.
So I was in a few automobile accidents, big deal bro!?
Maybe, I'm not as good as you, but Bas Rutten is better!.

Skyfox, Skycreek, Wilderness du Jour, same bloody thing!.
I'd prefer my turkey wing for mein supper, thank you!.
Inspire me with your kind nature for I'll only reciprocate!.
Your pistol should be kept in your holster, son, otherwise I cry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

For me, this was a bizarre read, as if you had taken my mirror and warped it to expose distorted parts me that are normally unseen or unrecognizable!. This means that I must label this particular piece as genius!. TDWww@QuestionHome@Com

This is about twice as long as needs to be!. The poem itself is interesting and fine!. It's rhythym and length make it hard to stay with!. No disrepect intended!. Just my opinion!. rewrite, rewrite rewrite!. The mantra of the poet!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Its a bit big!.!.!.try shorting it and making it a bit smaller!.!.!.^-^

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(?!.·′ (?!.·′ * Miyuki*Www@QuestionHome@Com