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Question: Another poem, can you help me rename this one!?
insanity
beautiful empty abyss
release my mind from the walls of the world
let the colors flow through me
let the water flow through me
let madness reign
let insanity in
wonderful colorful lies
disguise my presence
let me lose myself in you
let the world pass by without me
let me drown in indifference
let insanity in
remorseless splendid faerie tale
bring in the colored storm
let me sink through darkness
let me drown in reds and blues and greens
let the purple waves pull me down
let insanity in
the colors surround me
as i fly unhindered through space and time
the colors surround me
as i
let insanity in
i'm looking for constructive criticism, is there any way that i can make it better!?
Blessed Be!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It does not need to be fixed!.!.!. period!.!.!. My translation: you are saying to be cleansed of all pain, by!.!.!. releasing the painful memories from your psyche!.!.!.and to free you from the pull and drain from outside leeching forces!.!.!. (bad people) and for a cleansing water of forgetfulness of pain to be replaced by fury of angry and that hurt to be exchanged with this fury of anger of being hurt and abused and letting your heart-soul be stomped as by paratroopers, that this fire with water causes a boiling steam that radiates colors of all the emotions you have have felt and are feeling!.!.!. !.!.!. the red, of anger the blue of vengeance!.!.!. the green of triumph of getting vengeance and the purple that will repair the wounds and make you whole again!.!.!. BRAVA!.!.!.!. BRAVA!.!.!.!. you know what!.!.!. this is a good thing!.!.!. there are reasons for reasons!.!.!.!. The Phoenix is arising!!!!! Thank You for sharing your inspirations with us!.!.!.!. Again no corrections!.!.!. you are in that Zone!.!.!. take it to the moon!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
That was very nice!. Very deep!. I really enjoyed your poem!. As for a name!.!.!.the one you have is good!. It's kinda predictable but still ok!. I would suggest this one--Into The Abyss!.!.!.But!.!.!.I think I like your title better!.
And in the end when you say "the colors surround me as i fly unhendered through space and time the colors surround me as i let insanity in"
i would change the second "As i" just because you have a lot of repition throughout the whole poem with "let"!. Just an opinion though!. The 2nd use of "as i" could be used for emphasis or you could change it to "WHEN i!.!.!.let insanity in"!.!.!.Just a suggestion!.!.!.Excellent poem though I loved it!.
Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I lovovoved this
i know this sounds weird but it felt like I was being lifted up as I read it lolll
very good!.
keep writing because its really good =]Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think that you composed this poem very well!. I also like the name you gave it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com