What do you think of the poem?

Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of the poem?

Question:

I'm not sure it's very good, but I just had a go whilst I was cooking this evening!. [: Constructive criticism welcome!.

Cross my heart
and hope to die,
I never meant
to make you cry!.
Take this string
and pot of glue,
and patch up what
I broke of you!.
Wipe those tears off
one by one!.
Paint on a smile,
you're nearly done!.
Slip the rope around your neck!.
Now you look the perfect wreck!.
Make a knot and pull it tight!.
Jump, my dear,
so long!.
goodnight!.

[: Helena is one of the favourite songs, so thats where the last two lines came from!. And you probably recognise the first two lines from childrens rhymes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Well written in technical sense, intreguing in the content!. There was a really constant rhythm running through the poem which drew me in, it's hard to write poems with such short lines, but I think you pulled it off impressively!. There was something dark about this piece which I was drawn to, and it seemed to be suggesting something that I couldn't quite put my finger on!. Nice write :)
Liz xWww@QuestionHome@Com

I love this!. I agree with the advice of another poster, change the "you're nearly done" line to read "what's done is done"
AND
I personally suggest you remove the word "off" so the line reads "Wipe those tears"!.

With those two minor changes, you've got a keeper!. Great rhythm and rhyme, and a meaningful piece written in a child like nursery rhyme, that effectively represents the child in us all in an act of violence!. Well done!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

omg that is brill!!
but change "you're nearly done" to "what's done is done" coz it sounds better
can i copy it onto my emo site!?
well it don't matter what you think coz im going to anyway!
brill poem!!!!!!!!
my site is the source below, dont forget to leave comments for me so I know you've looked!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I have read this 5 or 6 times!.
It makes me think of the innocence of youth compared with the decisions we make later in life as adults!. All decisions are right to the individual but affect others more than we may realise!. It is sad but that is how life works!.
I think this poem is very good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like that, very good!.

Not to every ones taste, but everybody to their own!.

Think you have done well with that,
And as such will raise my hat,
Do think you are a super star,
And feel that you will go so far!.
If you struggle with a rhyme,
have no fear, it comes with time!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very good interms of the message, and it works nicely!. But perhaps its a bit to rhymey, you know, like a greetings card!. But dont change it, it'd spoil the message!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It is a faboulous poem and i will rate it 10 out of 10 !.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Strange but it was pretty good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it! well doneWww@QuestionHome@Com

i liked itWww@QuestionHome@Com