Position:Home>Poetry> Any comments or critiques on my poem?
Question: Any comments or critiques on my poem!?
Unexpected Moments
It’s in the unexpected moments
That I feel them cross my mind;
A familiar emptiness
Reminds me again they are gone!.
I miss the color and dimension
They added in my life, like the
Background of a painting;
The beginning of a creative work!.
Wonder if my children will weep
For me!? Will they miss my voice
In their lives; my love,
My presence!?
I hope they remember me with laughter
And in shades of purple when I cross their
minds in unexpected moments!.
Purple is such a warm comforting color!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think this is really lovely and touching!. I love the whole thing about color and dimension - really nice word painting!. If I may offer a little advice, just my opinion: I would avoid using the word "like" in that manner (2nd stanza)!.
I think it would read even more real and present without it:
I miss the color and dimension
They added in my life,
the background of a painting;
The beginning of a creative work!.
Here's my most favorite!!!!! " I hope they remember me with laughter And in shades of purple when I cross their
minds in unexpected moments!. " that is really fantastic!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
nyc poem thinks as if u are missing sum1 or its abt u being avoided anyhow its really very gud keep it up tccccccccWww@QuestionHome@Com
Nicely written!. I really like this piece!. Most exquisite!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Flashbacks are wonderful!. You just gave me one with this poignant, melancholy look!. They will remember as you have yours!. We do live on!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like this poem, especially "!.!.like the background of a painting The beginning of a creative work" i like that bit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
You have done it again, touched on the importance of
love's victory, love never dies, they will remember you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Such a sad lament!. Well written!. TDWww@QuestionHome@Com
It's very good; I like how you used the painting as an extended metaphor!.Www@QuestionHome@Com