Last of the day. I have to sing tonight. How is this.?

Question: Last of the day!. I have to sing tonight!. How is this!.!?

"black rose"

Desperate eyes that close,
maybe it goes away!.
A single long black rose,
is all that I can say!.

The restless urge of love,
the constant yearning for!.
The one for me on earth,
no one can give me more!.

Now this thought, crystal clear,
a brand new web you spun!.
You're so hot, burning up,
you've got me and you know!.

You and I, mad in love,
we're not the only ones!.
We fit like hand in glove,
to think we may be cursed!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

NICE!!! this ones real good!! Nicely written!.!. the rythum is great and the end rhyme is well done too!! Great job steve!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's pretty good!.
I like the way you've been switching around what your writing about!.
Nice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it sounds pretty good!.
good job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Great job!.!.!.this is one of my favorites of yoursWww@QuestionHome@Com

i really like this one job well doneWww@QuestionHome@Com

Loved the topic, very well done but, I had some trouble in the end rhyme switching!?!?

The first 2 stanzas rhymed beautifully until!.!.!.

Now this thought, crystal clear,
a brand new web you('ve) spun!. *
You're so hot, burning up,
you've got me, (yes, you've won) * and you know!.

we're not the only ones!.
You and I, mad in love, *
to think we may be cursed
Fitting like hand in glove, *

I'm not picking, I suppose it's just the way I'm used to reading, I'll have another look~see kk!?
!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's funny because you are a really good writer!!! there are just some lines that need a little revision!. if you rush while you write them you should go back and re-read!. I find that when I do this you can see the parts that do not flow as well!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com