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Question: What do you think of this dark poem!?
The Living Dead
For some the world is beauty;
Love fills their plate!.
But to me love is nothing
More than an exercise in pain,
A misery that makes a wasteland
Of my soul!. Nothing remains
But this hole of
Vile hatred for my tormentor!.
It’s not so hard to see
my pain and sorrow!.
My wounds
simply wait for tomorrow's
Light to become blaringly
Evident in bruises;
Imagine the abuses that
Lie deeper and unseen!.
Dead eyes in the mirror don't lie!.
Who I was, who I am, cannot deny
The stranger looking back now
Blank, empty; with only one hope!.
Lost in a world within a world;
I await one saving grace,
That sweet angel of death
Come to free me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I thought it was pretty good!. I like the sense of desperation's and the pain that amplify each other!. I like how the rhythm gives it a dark almost trance like feeling!. However, the line "But this!.!. my tormentor!." was a bit awkward!. I couldn't make it fit with the rest of the smoothness of the poem!. The words Vile, hatred, and tormentor has such a sharp sound to it that it's almost like someone is clapping at me to wake me up in the trance of the whole thing!. Then the line "It's not so hard!.!.!." have confused me a second on the point of view of the poem!. Somehow, it felt like the narrator is commanding me rather than telling me!. It also felt that way with the use of the word "Imagine!." I was already imagining the whole thing, but then I am told to imagine!.
Overall, I thought it was really good!. Good Job!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I find it hopeless and sad!.!.!.!.I feel pain in life has purpose and helps us to gain a greater appreciation for how to love and give love!.!.!.!.so I find it very sad!.!.!.!.!.but well written!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
good jobWww@QuestionHome@Com
The only part that took away my interest was the "Its not so hard to see" line!. A lot of singers use it so its not solid enough!. I love "the sweet angel of death" btw!. =]Www@QuestionHome@Com
quite differ then your usual, Don't know what to think!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's so very sad!. I like the lost in a world within a world--that is so true of some people!. I hope you're okay!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i love this!. and think you have an extraordinary gift and should continue to write for us!.!.!.i love when you say,
" Dead eyes in the mirror don't lie!.
Who I was, who I am, cannot deny
The stranger looking back now
Blank, empty; with only one hope!."
it gives you a sense of what's coming next, but still keeps me wanting to read!. all the words sync into a rhythm that keep the reader vexed in it's passion!.!.!.Keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com