Will you read my poem please and offer critique or comment?

Question: Will you read my poem please and offer critique or comment!?

PROTECTOR

Wait, the world is watching,
noose and guns awaiting
the day when you step forth
and come into your own!.

Stay a little longer,
a moment to ponder
all that you could fail
if you go out there!.

Sleep now, darling daughter,
rest, don't think of slaughter,
I will protect you always,
you need never reach those heights!.

Pain shall never brush you,
hurt will never touch you,
drink this, darling dearest,
to make it fade away!.

Those who love are liars,
evil will conspire
to take all that you hold
and strip it all to pieces!.

So rest eternally
beneath my hand and see
that I have given a gift
greater than anything!.

I will steal your breath,
sing you into death,
rest, my darling child,
mother's here to help you!.

Author's Note: Reflections on my childhood!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Two things: I found the short lines too choppy for the sincere and soothing tone I think you were going for, though I quite liked some of the rhymes and what was being said!.

I, like Nenoman, have a trouble with the last verse as well: I think you need to explain to us neophytes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really like it^^ (and i'm not saying that just to be nice)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Whoa! Is this about a mother killing her child because life is too cruel!? I think they'd better keep the Kool Aid away from you :)
I like it!. It's creepy but bittersweet at the same time!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I wonder !? Is this real or just thinking out loud!?
It brings to my mind, a father either drugging his daughter to rape
or kill her!. Either way this piece is deep!.

If real don't drink in death your life is more precious
than ending it with a drink!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think you should add repetition of "Rest, my darling child / Mother's here to help you" at the beginning!. Cliched, perhaps, but it would be effective!.

I think it's a really good and chilling poem, but not in the same sense as usual as "chilling"!.

I especially like "I will steal your breath / sing you into death"!. Maybe "sink" rather than "sing" or is this too much like "drowning"!?

Sorry, when i critique I point out things that I only like to change!! And I am no expert!! Whatsover!!

So yeah, it's good!! :)

***EDIT**

I'd just like to add I have been browsing around the poetry bit of answers!. I'm fifteen and I only just wrote my first proper poem last night, but I never did pretend to be an expert!. I seem not to be able to rely critical, sound advice, rather, I like to find a word which rolls better in poems; I don't analyse, I change!.

So I'm basically saying you shouldn't take any heed of my suggestions, but in truth, I find your poem very -well- I was going to say "entertaining" but you get the picture!.

I also noticed a few of your answers, and, as a Top Contributor, I can learn much from you!. I found some common ground in your answers to resolved comments; that is; not something I would think to write myself, but something I agree with and realise!.

So yes, thank you for your contribution and for your help, although you don't even realise that some learn from the answers you give!.

Best RegardsWww@QuestionHome@Com

This for me proved troubling as I read!. I, from your clue, see the desire to protect one's child forever but your last stanza could also be interpreted as willing to kill one's child to protect the child from all things bad!. If you are trying to infer that the mothers invisible hand will always be there, then I did not get the meaning right!. I will reflect more!. My eyes have been clouded before and will be again!. That is one of the beauties though of poems penned!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

heavy wow!.
learning the hardway happens!.
even if you try not to!.
your poem lets me think about the ol saying
just keep falling forwards!.!. for some reason, idk!

please know some lovers are liars!.!.but not all!.!.no!. not all!.
we like to protect ourselves, its as natural as breathing,
but life is not protected by you alone!.!.or another!.
it is that song you hear tho that does!.
and when you hear it, makes all the difference!.

nice poem Eva!. it has big segments!. big pieces!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's hard almost to really like it, because of these things really happening in this world!.
But at the same time I do like it, knowing it's not something that has or is happening here!.
Nice work:)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Eerie to say the least, "Those who love are liars" does not make sense to me, as it can not be applied to all people!.
It is good to express one's feelings regardless!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is very good!. A mother can strangle a child and cause one to become an invalid in life!. I wonder if she knows what she does !.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I found this one to be heart rending!. I am so happy you survived this childhood!. The world needs writers like you in it's midst!.Www@QuestionHome@Com