Position:Home>Poetry> Will you comment on and critique this please?
Question: Will you comment on and critique this please!?
WHEN DID
When did the light die!?
When darkness fell,
surely not;
for we are not so transparent!.
When did the words fall!?
When we became
self-centered!?
Perhaps, humanity's greatest sin
is pride!.
Did the masters lay down their pen
to have it taken up
by the young, the inexperienced,
with ears deafened by the
arrogant lone wolf philosophy of the day!?
Why do I stand
before a well of ink,
when I know I am not worthy
to scratch words upon the page!.
My art is not
for the gods, but for man,
is it less than then!?
When did sharing passion
become a crime!?
When it was labeled
angst!?
When it was considered
trite!?
When did we forget
the love we knew
for our art,
the desire to teach!?
When did our words
become bullets!?
Author's Note: This is nothing against anyone on this site, merely a reflection of a certain mood I have been feeling!. Please, don't load your guns, just take it as it is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Once there were some poets
Who helped each other out!.
They passed away and left us!.
To scream and cry and shout!.
To say "Your poem's not good"
To those who try to write!.
And try to say that it is black,
When clearly it is white!.
They are gone who taught us well
Why then don't we just teach!?
Instead, we sit and judge the rest,
And find their faults and preach!.
"This is how you write this verse",
We say too many times!.
They hate free verse and forms and such,
They hate our metered rhymes!.
This answer to your question poem,
Is bad, I will agree!.
I wrote it down and posted here,
For all the world to see!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Why do we doubt it!? The PL is still in tact!.!.!. I was trying to find the words to feelings felt behind this very poem!.!.!.and I know you're feeling something similar because!.!.!. I know you!. The words are yours but!.!.!. they could have been mine!. The show of a great poet!.
I!. Love!. You!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The mood hovers between plaintive regret and preachiness!.
The latter is seen in the bit about pride and sin!.
Being strongly devoted to both promoting the arts and also having agreement in both number and gender, I have decided that you should not be so stingy with writing materials!. Give the masters (plural) more than just one pen (singular)!. Next "with ears" is somewhat vague as to whose ears are being discussed, the masters or the young!. Polishing up will help clarifying some things, but the major problem is one of clarity of mood!. Are you whining, despondent, exhorting us to go onward and upward to greater aesthetic heights, or what!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
a 'when did' happens silently, slowly, and sneaky,
and then so clear and stark in a moment !.!.!.on a day!.
then mr!. relentless sun comes up like nothing happened!.
!.!.but it gives the day!.!.!.shines on all regardless!.
then a 'when' becomes either a right now!.!. or!.!. too late!.
idk when anymoreWww@QuestionHome@Com
I don't know 'when' it happened, but it did!. Your poem is profound and written beautifully!. Thank you for sharing!. It's made me think!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I have often felt this way; there seem to be times in history when art flourishes!. This may not be one of them!. I'm thinking of the Renaissance, when art in all its forms seemed to have flowed in abundance!. It was a reaction to the Medieval Dark Ages, when art was considered sin!. Your pen is loaded and it brings forth beauty!. (There's one line that reads a bit awkwardly: "is it less than then!?" Consider changing "then" to something like "in those times!.")!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Aye, and who do we write for--ourselves, others or God!? Of course the argument could be made that we write for and to different people (ie!. To God but For Man)!.
It is an unfortunate mood you have depicted, but a true one, one all writers feel, at some point, I think!. While you did paint it well, it also comes off a bit as whiny; I suppose though, there would be no other way for such a mood to be depicted!.
On a poetic note, I loved the stanza:
Did the masters lay down their pen
to have it taken up
by the young, the inexperienced,
with ears deafened by the
arrogant lone wolf philosophy of the day!?
Oh, and the ever-watchful eye has noticed your lazy fingers again, methinks: "is it less than then!?" Should be them, shouldn't it!.
Oh yes, please do take heart, your words are seldom bullets, and when they are they tend to be aimed at those who do harm!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Not loading, nodding in agreement!Www@QuestionHome@Com