Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of this poem I just jotted down? Please be honest!!! :) :) :)?
Question: What do you think of this poem I just jotted down!? Please be honest!!! :) :) :)!?
u know that guy that every girl wishes she had!?
u know that girl who’s with that guy!?
The girl who would do anything for him
I wish I was her
The girl who hopes he picks a scary movie so she can be held by him
The girl who would make him laugh when he doesnt even want to smile
The girl who’d text him every day just to say “hey there handsome”
I want to be her
The girl who would rub his back to make sure he was relaxed
The girl who loves to cuddle with him & only him
The girl who get butterflies just by seeing a picture of him or hearing his voice
I need to be her
The girl who listens to what he says intently, not skipping a word
The girl who asks him to go shopping because he secretly has good taste
The girl who will go to his favorite food place & steal hot sauce
I have to be her
The girl who loves to wake up next to him, watching him sleep
The girl who he points to and says “thats her”
The girl who wants to be known as his girlfriend
I'd give anything to be herWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I like it and I think you should be her! Maybe he will realize that with this poem!.!.!.he is showing he still cares by his actions (from what you told me)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Wow, i can really relate to this!. Good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com
woah!. thats really good!. Is this girl someone your jealous of or is it just one of those unpersonal poems!? this is really good!. YOu should make poems for teens!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
No offense, but next time a think you should think on a more poetic level!. It was OK, but not very poetic or moving!. Kinda sounded like a typical teenage girl in some story book or another!. Sorry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
just curious, what is your idea of poetry and what poets do you like!?
just because you break something into verse doesn't make it poetryWww@QuestionHome@Com
Wow! that is very sad, beautiful, and desprit :) but it is very good!. Keep up da good workWww@QuestionHome@Com
It's creative and beautiful just make it a little more poetic like add in some rhyming words or methaphors or similies, they help a LLOTWww@QuestionHome@Com
that's cute!. i kinda feel that way too!. the first line doesn't fit right, though!. it needs a little tweaking, but its good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Okay so you said you just jotted that down!. It's a great start to a poem!. Most good poems start by collecting ideas and not worrying about what words your using, the meter, or rhyme!.
So you completed the first stage of your poem!. Getting it out infront of you!. Now your that sculptor that has a piece of dull rock (literally your poems dull) infront of them!. Now that sculptor will slowly mold that stone into something beautiful - if they have talent!.
Let me tell you whats wrong here with your poem - it is not a poem!. It's that typical teenage girl diary page!. That's fine for your diary!. You have SO MANY cliches here!.
If you want to keep it like that, don't try to make this into a poem but into lyrics!. At least you can keep all your ideas simple!. In a poem remember you have to give a little mystery, you cannot be blunt (which you are) your 'the girl who' gets boring and oh-so annoyingly repeative after a bit!. It is a great idea to repeat it every once in a while!.
your I wish, I have, I need etc!. to be her is a great idea though for inbetween your somewhat stanzas!. Be nice and put in some metephors!.
this has potential, you just have to work hard to meet it and have some sort of talent - or even knowledge of poetry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com