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Question: What do you think of my poem!.!.!.not meant to rhyme!?
I saw you just the other day!. You were standing there looking kinda bored!. Then she walked up and you were all smiles!. I had never seen her before, but I knew I was forgotten, Like a bad dream during a storm!. Forgotten!. Now I'm laying here wide awake, wondering about you and what happened to us!. And I silently bow my head and pray to God that tommorrow you will be forgotten!. Like that old blue jean jacket that's been hanging in the back of the closet for over a year!. Forgotten!. Now I sit here trying to erase all the painful memories of you and all the time we spent together!. Sitting here by the fireplace burning all the pictures of us and the ashes will remain here forgotten!. Like a stranger met on the street!. Forgotten!.
The title is Forgotten and this reflects none of my feelings just something I wrote!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
oh my gawd! i LOVE it!!! i can soooo relate!. that's good!. forgotten!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. hmmmmmm!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. try the rhyming next time!. i think you'd be good at it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Ashley, I view your piece as not a poem, but simply a first-person narrative that could be the start of a short story!.
It needs editing throughout!. The repetitious use of the word like and now should be substituted for better adjectives!. Check your spelling (tommorrow is incorrect)!. "Kinda" is not a word!. Use kind of!.
Insert paragraphs to break up the monotony of the creation!. Last, get a copy of Strunk and White's, "The Elements of Style!." It is a comprehensible small book of great writing tips!. It costs about $7!.50!.Www@QuestionHome@Com