I wrote this as a teenager and now have updated it. Is it ok.?

Question: I wrote this as a teenager and now have updated it!. Is it ok!.!?

"hope realized"

Something happened!.
What went wrong/
Loss so great,
forever gone!.
Hammer raised,
nail hit!.
Under skin,
biting veins!.

Sun won't rise,
as yesterday!.
My knights helmet,
has fallen off!.
My sword broken,
honor gone!.
Traitors burn!.

I don't care!.
Rain so hot,
will not quit,
ever stop!.
Light,
at the end of the
darkest,
deepest tunnel!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

when i read your poems, i start from the end and read through as many as i can!. this poem seems to me is at the beginning of your addiction!. to see this written when you were so younger makes me proud you did find light at the end of that deep dark tunnel!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

yes good!. gave me chills :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

As a teenager you were mature for your age!.!.!. great poem!.!. I read a lot of these in yahoo answers and dont always answer them bc some are just so bad!.!.!. but yours is actually really good!.!.!.
Great job keep it upWww@QuestionHome@Com

Again, what can I say but I like It!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

With so few words you created a whole reality!. This is the work of a gifted teenager!. The darkest part of the whole piece are the words "I don't care" but then they are redeemed by the light, and one can assume this light of hope will motivate the journey throught he "darkest, deepest tunnel"!.
Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow!. niceWww@QuestionHome@Com