The Battlefield
White skies flood with grayness
graceful air begins to mature
aggravated weather approaching
rain drops turn erratic
heavy rain turns hardcore,
Blackness struck by electric purple
neon strikes utter - bolts to the floor
roof-tops thrown from houses
wreckage littered empty streets
battle field stories, memories of war,
Gun shots replicated - bulleting decay
fearless winds throw out disaster
shrapnel flaring cast in mid-air
to hide and seekers dismay,
Trenches carved by uprooted trees
groggy water cascading beneath
soldiers lay proud with heroism
among murky graves
legendary soldiers, rest in peace,
Its victorious!.
more of my poems at
http://poetrysamateur!.wordpress!.com/ please comment
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Yes beautiful!.
But I would suggest that you keep the vocabulary firm, as in constant!. Dont go out and about writting just any words!. They all make sense but it seems as if you were trying to hard!. (trust me that happens to me as well) Dont lose the essence of the poem trying to fit a lot in!. Remember sometimes less is more!.
Aside from that I understood the message
This was a great poem!
I also read your other poems real nice!. I admire people that are so in touch with their creativity!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Good, but some inconsistant vocabulary!.
Some words are very sophisticated, others are very casual (ie "hardcore")
But overall, sweet!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Not too bad!. A mixture of weather and war!. Interesting!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i love the words you used!.
full of such feeling!. it really gives you the sense of whats going on
its fab!Www@QuestionHome@Com