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Question: Will you critique my poem, and perhaps offer suggestions to better it!?
A herringbone path hidden,
overgrown with years
of neglect
captivates me,
lures me in!.!.!.
what lies ahead!?

The beginning step is a
gentle one,
my foot softly touching
the first brick,
the start of an adventure!.!.!.
perhaps another world!?

Above, trees engulf me,
a shelter from harsh eyes
of the outer world!.
Only the eyes of the trees
can judge me now,
as they sit with their young!.
I wonder,
are they as fascinated with me
as am I with them!?

Flowers sway
with every gentle caress of the wind!.
They elegantly bend,
as if doing a curtsy,
drawing my eye down,
to look at the softness
of the Earth below!.

Moss has filled every gap,
intertwined with
dew-drenched petals
of tender lavender
and vivid pink hues!.

Sweet perfumed scents
swirl around me,
with every inward breath I take,
locking themselves in my mind,
to never be forgotten!.

The end of this
enchanting path
creeps up on me,
and I find myself on a cliff,
gazing out,
observing the world below!.

Devoured by routine,
heads bowed down,
but never really noticing
the ground on which they walk!.
I go unnoticed, too,
as I stand above them, watching!.

Grief consumes me as I feel
for these lost souls!.
Every robotic motion
takes them further down
the beaten path,
neglecting the
beauty that they were born into!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You had me (yes a cliche), with the flow of your words and the pictures you painted until the last two stanzas as they seemed weak as if you were just trying to finish the poem!. This is definately a keeper but maybe something different to wrap it up!. For a moment I was even thinking about death and walking to the other side from you poetic descriptions!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Forgive me , but I am just a beginner so I would not dare to offer any critique on such a beautiful piece !. I can merely appreciate the images you paint in my head and the joyous emotions that swell within my soulWww@QuestionHome@Com

in love this poem it is great! You kept me capitvated all the way through until the very end however the only part that i found a bit of a let down was the very end (from "every robotic!.!." downwards) but that might just be me!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'm not much of a poetry fan, but I kinda like this!.

Two little nitpicky things:

There's no explanation for why this path has been neglected, or the narrator asking why it is no longer used!. If the path was old, wouldn't there be weeds, disused flowerbedsm crumbling bricks --to give a sense of how disused the path is!?

The word grief may be a little strong in the final verse!. Maybe sadness or melancholy would be better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com