Please read my NEW poem. Critiques please?

Question: Please read my NEW poem!. Critiques please!?

Yes, folks I am actually up and running and writing poetry again - after 10 years (I think my muse is back)
I am a bit rusty!.This is the concluding part of a trilogy, but I think it can hold its own alone!.

The House

Was it unexpected!?
Weren’t there signs to see!?
His clothes flying through the air
to decorate the holly bush
like a mid-summer Christmas tree!.
Endless late-nights at the office,
missed connections, delayed trains!.
Her books and records
dumped in the garden!. Then it rained!.
His 'sorry' was a very poor exchange!.
She bore the irritated looks and
the ever deepening sighs,
her throat so tight she found she couldn't eat!.
The atmosphere was choking with
unspoken bitter words,
but both knew
this charade could never last!.
Then the night it happened!.
Like the rest but more intense!.
From somewhere deep inside her
Screams gushed forth!.
The empty loveless rooms
Filled up with all her pain
Words flew –Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

This is the offspring of a marriage between talent and training!. You are polished and professional!. I hope you do something with these!.!.!.or let me do something with these!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, domestic abuse is a crime!. I hope you haven't been a victim of it!. I think this poem touched on it very well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You know, that Monday is not the day that I am to be answering you, as you are on my every other day cycle, but I feel I must make an exception for this suburban tale!. "Enraptured with the tale, the words did flow, the images built the story to the ending done!. " My compliments to your muse!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I looked down upon the scene, and I heard it all, I felt the blows and I could not do a thing to stop it!.

RobertWww@QuestionHome@Com

Domestic Violence!. A problem world wide!. Well presented!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Tragic and all too common!.!.!.!.Sad to say I've been there!. Thank God I escaped before the ending!
Great poem that speaks loudly of this subject!.
I'd like to read the other 2!.!.!.!.

We both just "woke up" our voices/minds, hey!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

You're moving away from rhyme and structured form!. I'm glad to see you joining in the adventure!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow! This is excellent!.

The only suggestion I have is regarding the last part!.

"He didn't mean to do it!.
He just wanted her to stop!.
And the blow he struck was not so hard a blow!.
But in an instant it was over!.
And she lay where she was felled!.
Death comes in such suburban ways!."

If you drop "And the blow he struck was not so hard a blow!.
But in an instant it was over!.And she lay where she was felled!." your ending would be much stronger!.

Read your poem aloud, ending with just,

"He didn't mean to do it!.
He just wanted her to stop!.
Death comes in such suburban ways!."

It lets the reader imagine the rest, and wraps up the poem nicely!.

I am glad you got your muse back!. She is serving you well!. This is first rate!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow and double Wow !!! Excellent!. I was involved in this poem from beginning to end!. Your last line is great!. Suburbia holds much turmoil hidden behind green, manicured lawns!. I would like to read the whole trilogy!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

On the contrary, I love the line "and the blow he struck was not so hard a blow!." It shows the emotion that can come with rage, the danger of letting things build to a breaking point to the cliff where you don't know you're own strength!. This is a chilling, stunning poem and I am so glad that your muse has come out of retirement!. I look forward to being chilled and thrilled by your marvelous, matchless work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it!. It is filled with such raw emotion that you wouldn't think words could hold it!. Kudos again GrannyjillWww@QuestionHome@Com