Is my poem ok? Please do tell me.?

Question: Is my poem ok!? Please do tell me!.!?

In My Depression

My words echo
In nothingness
A silence
Grasps my throat
And strangles
The life of me!.
There is never
Any peace
With a ticking time bomb
In my brain!.
And amidst all the stillness
That ne'er ceises to end,
Layers of hurt
I cannot mend,
Will I hide the darkness
In a friend!?
I must think,
"How will they love one
So pretentious!?"

-swooshWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

So you build the sorrow, the down feeling and then end it with pretentious!? This I find as a very humorous poem, crafted with a great punchline!. If I am wrong, I apologize for the word pretentious does take me there!. Either way you get a star!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i really like it but the part of the time bomb sort of throws it off i findWww@QuestionHome@Com

wow! thats really! i think you spelled "ceises" meaning to be "ceases"Www@QuestionHome@Com

lovleyyWww@QuestionHome@Com

Wow!.
Thts really good!.

Sounds like a proffesional wrote it!.
=)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really like it, however, you spelled 'ceases' incorrectly!. (:
Good job, though!

Have a beautiful day!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think the poem is goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

omg i <3 it!!!!! u rock keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

This Poem is one the loveliest poem that I read and I got to say some people don't understand how lovely a poem could be but if I had to rate it I give you a perfect 100/100 ^_^

But I don't get want you mean by Swoosh is it a name!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

well the words are good you choose but it has little meaning to me sorry, maybe explain what has happened in the poem more obviously but with still keeping a good choice of words!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

one of the better downer poems i've found on here!.!.!.congrats!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

A very good poem!. I like it very much!. However, the last line throws it off for me!. I don't quite get the connection to that particular thought!. The rest of it flows well and is quite visual and the "ticking time bomb" is very apt!. You write very well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

the poem is all rightWww@QuestionHome@Com

My words echo in nothingness
A silence grasps my throat
And strangles the life out of me!.
There is never any
Peace!.
With a ticking time bomb in my brain
And amidst all the stillness
That never ceases to end!.!.!.!.
(Layers of hurt I cannot mend)!.
Will I hide the darkness
In a friend!?
I must think
"How will they love one so
Pretentious!?"

When I was trying to write poetry (breaking out of the mold of end rhyming) I used to experiment with line lengths, pauses and isolation of important words to see whether I could impart extra information to the reader - e!.g!. which concept I wanted emphasised (A silence!.!.!.!.!.!.Any peace)!.
It is actually quite interesting how this can create extra oomph in places!. There has to be a reason why certain words appear on certain lines, don't you think!?

I'm not sure of the meaning of the 'darkness' sentence!. Do you mean 'Will I hide my darkness in a friend!?' or 'Will I hide the darkness of a friend'Www@QuestionHome@Com

that's reallllllyyyy goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

uummm!.!.weird!.!.!.!.I LIKED T[:Www@QuestionHome@Com

Well, it IS pretentious, over-reaching, didactic, bombastic, tendentious, orotund, execrable, and crapulous, but that's no reason not to love you!.

P!.S!. And of course it's an okay poem, otherwise I wouldn't be able to have fun like this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I loved this one!. Especially the line: Will I hide the darkness in a friend!? What a fabulous way to describe confiding!. Thank you!Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's sad, as much poetry is!. It seems great prose travels the same roads through our hearts as sadness does!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Of course your poem is fine - A poem is release and cathartic to your soul!. If it helps you, your poem finds a way out of "The Sounds of Silence" which your poem reminds me of!. Don't stop!. Keep expressing - finding words to release your soul - a kind of dance within!.

Here is Neil Diamond's cry you might enjoy these lyrics to his famous song:

L!.A!.'s fine, the sun shines most the time
And the feeling is "lay back"
Palm trees grow and rents are low
But you know I keep thinkin' about
Making my way back

Well I'm New York City born and raised
But nowadays,
I'm lost between two shores
L!.A!.'s fine, but it ain't home
New York's home,
But it ain't mine no more

"I am"!.!.!. I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair

"I am"!.!.!. I cried "I am"!.!.!. said I
And I am lost and I can't
Even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

Did you ever read about a frog
Who dreamed of bein' a king
And then became one
Well except for the names
And a few other changes
If you talk about me
The story's the same one

But I got an emptiness deep inside
And I've tried
But it won't let me go
And I'm not a man who likes to swear
But I never cared
For the sound of being alone

"I am"!.!.!. I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am"!.!.!. I cried
"I am"!.!.!. said I
And I am lost and I can't
Even say why
"I am"!.!.!. I said
"I am"!.!.!. I cried
"I am"!.!.!. I said
[I Am!.!.!. I Said Lyrics on
http://www!.lyricsmania!.com/ ]

Your reference to Layers of hurt I cannot mend - maybe you have a hard time letting go of hurt - but that shows you were more than a rock -- like Simon & Garfunkel's song I am a Rock, I am an island -- ends with haunting words --
And a Rock feels no pain, And an island never cries !.!.!.

Shall we not extend and be vulnerable again -- that is a good question (maybe not Shakespeare's idea /Hamlet!.!.!.!!)

Psalm 118 states "It is better to trust in the Lord than to trust in men !.!.!. or princes!." In other words, people will ALWAYS FAIL US! Not that we should not ever marry !.!.!. but our world has not set the cultural encouragement for marriage in so many ways --- we need ENCOURAGEMENT to young people who need to learn how to love and give in talking, in caring, in reciprocating random acts of kindnesses !.!.!.
Those can and do happen, but it is no accident!. I think we have left our youth by the wayside and think they can just figure this whole thing out by themselves!. Does anybody really know how to deveop a deeply satisfying conjugal relationship!?!?!? If anywhere it is in the Bible !.!.!. Check it out!

also, you might learn building relational skills that can help in all types of relating - friendships and business alike!.

Music and Poems help us in our search for meaning and truth!. Let them not be the end, but the means to the greater end -- finding God, "Seek the first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you!." David's Psalms of the Bible also has his cries of desparation - with others who did not care about his life, who should have -- David's father and older brothers didn't even think David as important to come to a famous prophet's invitation for the family to have dinner together!. But God noticed David!. On another occasion, David's father-in-law tries to kill David out of jealousy of David's fame and valor!. So many good characters - God's men who were fallible too - and we hear about their failures too -- David with Bathsheba and in another situation - Absolom!. Many times God uses suffering to allow us to turn to Him and GROW - and find comfort in God's providing us closeness wtih Him, our suffering but victorious Savior, Jesus, who calls us friends and our elder brother, too!. (See THE BOOK OF JOHN!.)

GOD BLESS YOU!. GOD LOVES YOU!.Www@QuestionHome@Com