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Question: A poem for your critique!.!.!.will you take a look!?
The deafening bang of
the screen door
is almost as loud as
your pleading yell,
paving a hollow echo
through the air!.
Thoughts flood me,
consume me,
take me over,
my heart pounds
as fast as my feet
on the pavement!.
It breaks
with every step,
leaving an imprint
of the life I've chosen
to run from!.
Soon your voice
fades into a faint
memory of what I'm
leaving behind,
eventually disappearing
into nothingness!.
The quiet air wraps
itself around my soul,
awakening it,
telling me to turn around!.
I no longer want to run
from you,
I want to run with you,
I just need you to be willing
to keep up with my pace!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
An interesting twist on a lover's spat!. I would be inclined to omit the last stanza!. Then it would give the suspense to the ending!. "Paving" struck me as odd in relationship to echo!. This type of poem to me is one that when you read with a faster tempo, the intensity comes out more!. This definately has merit, perhaps some more editing!. My compliments!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I actually think it's great, I'm usually very critical with grammar and spellng and stuff so yea, It was sweeeet man!. lolWww@QuestionHome@Com
It's good!. It flows nicely and has a good message!. I'd give it a 9 out of 10!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This poem to me reflects confusion from the person!. Its really well written, shows how the person changes finding out how she really feels !.Really good actually =D keep on writing ^^ I don't really see much mistakes, its well paced, and does not seem to have any gaps, i guess i could just ask is it that the girl is afraid of being consumed with love!? Or is she afraid of loving him!? Or wanting him to change!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
I love this!. Vivid Imagery, could benefit from a small edit!. but the imagery in this poem amazes me!. Bravo!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sounds like a domestic battle!. No particular meter or imagery and the ending comes as a shock with no reason for the sudden change of mind!. You've done better than this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Well done! I like your sparse style!. You prove that less is more!. I also agree with the gentleman who suggested omitting the last stanza!. I like the impact of the quiet air telling you to turn around!. That is a good place to stop!.Www@QuestionHome@Com