Critique This Poem: Day on the Beach?

Question: Critique This Poem: Day on the Beach!?

Tammy is Lolli-pop sweet heart

Me and her will not be apart

We spend the day on the beach

The water is blue as the eye can reach

Tammy dresses in mie mie bikini

She is melody like music of Roussini

We run together and holding hands

We twirl together and fall on the sand

We get closer and exchange hugs and kisses

So beautiful as much one wishes

Birds fly by singing

So happy and swingingWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Wow,
I feel like I was with you at the beach
That is a beautiful poem
with all the activity going on
Reminds me of my spring poem
and what goes on!.
I like both of the versions
I didn't see any difference!.

At the Beach
Once again for another year
fun times at the beach will be here
with many things to do
for everyone including you!.
People will be swimming
others will be boating
People lay in the sand
under the hot sun working on their tan!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's cute and simple, I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

as the words in the poem goes, it's pretty!. simple and pretty!. a little shallow yes, but poetry is not as much about concealing thoughts as people like to pretend they are, they are about portraying one's thoughts and feelings and this poem does just that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com