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Position:Home>Poetry> My Morning Song, Comments?Question: My Morning Song, Comments!? My Morning Song
Smokey dawns of grayish blue Dispersed…sent fleeing, a million ways Day beckons to the few who’ll yield Their souls…the wind to carry Outward and ever upward The communion of past to future The blending of all…total and absolute To the eyes alive…the universe Give me the strength to see at last To feel the stars… to feel delight My soul yearns for your hand in flight Call me!.!. O call me to the lightWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: In the second part I would've left out the two "The"s in "THE communion" and from "THE blending" and leave out "To" in the last verse: Outward and ever upward Communion of past to future Blending of all!.!.!.total and absolute The eyes alive!.!.!.the universe!. The way you wrote it, it still sounds alright though!. I like your poem!. There are other changes but I'm not going to push it!. I give you an A grade!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Cool!. Your vocabulary is better than mine!! It's a very good poem, anyways!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Delightful offering for a Sunday morning! (Hunting for coffee!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com Your words paint a splendid picture in my mind !. This is a beautiful pieceWww@QuestionHome@Com Now THIS is a morning poem! Your imagery, as usual, is superb, as are the meter and the message of the poem!. A delight to read, especially on a chilly, dark morning!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I like the world you painted and it brings back memories of dream flights and dancing with the stars!. Paint on!.Www@QuestionHome@Com The LORD's Day has dawned A soft rain, and distant thunder All my flowers abloom So many birds Bright in their colored breast The morning air is filled with their songs My Wife breaths softly at my side Our cat sits looking out the window I thank God for all my blessing's ~OM~ SFCU Have a Blessed day in The LORD !Www@QuestionHome@Com Good Morning Neonman!. Your poem sings to me!. I love your writings!.Www@QuestionHome@Com nice job bro! the first line, the opener is very strong!. the end is good too!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I agree with Sick Puppy - the 2 'the's' aren't needed!. I have problems with poems of a religious nature, being an unbeliever - but this poem allows a multitude of interpretations!. I shall read it as a desire to take the hands of your fellow men and together seek to understand the workings of the universe!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Touching and beautiful! Tugs at the heart, it does!Www@QuestionHome@Com |