My poem about debt. Please read, what do you think?

Question: My poem about debt!. Please read, what do you think!?

http://www!.mypoetryshared!.co!.uk/freeme!.h!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Seems one cannot "submit" comments!
Here are the comments I could not submit:

Autumn and the other poem about wishing to be a teen, are great pieces!.
You may want to get another title for Free, some title that echoes the theme of longing to be free of debt!. You may also want to reconsider longing for black dawn!. "Dawn", poetically, reflects a new beginning, hope, longing for sure! but when this longing is qualified by black, unless irony is intended, there's some semantic ambiguity!. Debt itself is associated with black night and this is what you wish or long to overcome!. Hence, you long for the dawn of a brighter day minus the trappings of suffocating debt!. You may also reconsider that link-word (is it "at"! !. !. cant see it now) before stomach!. In fact delete it!.
It seems you are attuned to making social commentaries about the humdrum of adult life!. This makes the pieces fit in remarkably well with your favorite quote from Shaw!. Yes!. !. !. !. They are relevant poems for grown-ups!.
Yes, you like rhythm too even when tackling depressing aspects of life!. I think this helps the reader grasp an important trait of your personality: graceful warmth, hope and optimism!.

Good luckWww@QuestionHome@Com

That's such a good poem!
Good job Good job!.
You wrote like a pro!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

tht poem was great!!!!!!! i loved it!. i may be only twelve and a guy but i also write poetryWww@QuestionHome@Com

Its very sad :(
How long do you think it will take you to get out!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Your poem was actually very good, intense, and yet humorous!.Www@QuestionHome@Com