Position:Home>Poetry> Could an unexperienced poet check this poem for iambic pentameter? I'll give
Question: Could an unexperienced poet check this poem for iambic pentameter!? I'll give you many points!!?
Well--some people go capitalized, lowercase for stressed, unstressed!. I just want to make sure this is correct before I give it to my teacher!.
There, where canaries sweetly cry complaints
And sip the morning dew of paradise
I made my search, until the day grew late
Beneath the creeping ivy’s gentle guise!.
Might I once turn my grieving thoughts aside
From these sweet poppies, violets, lilies—
And then, by the kind myrtle’s creed abide;
Yet still, this yet will not my heart appease!.
My sister, wherefore have you left me so!?
O, fearful hand, who took her but not I—
Might this fair Eden once a count forego
And suffer me—alone to say goodbye!?
Fie; that cruel God, who stole you, be not mine!
O, sister dear, I still remain yet thine!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
/--/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-
-/-/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-/
//-/-/-/-/
-/-/-/-/-/
pretty good but tehres a couple of places i'm not sure it's right: above, - is unstressed and / is stressed!. take a look, i might be wrong, but check anyways!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's fineWww@QuestionHome@Com
Good!.But you need to avoid jargons!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
looks goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
Yeah its in Iambic pentameter!. Maybe better than Shakespeare!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Spot on - 10/10 - could I suggest you change one of the 'yet's in the last line of the second verse!? The rhyme scheme is well maintained!.
This sounds just like one my Following in the Footstep poems - (I must find one out and post it)
Your language perfectly matches the discipline of the rhyme and the meter- and could easily be slipped into an anthology by Keats or Wordsworth!.
Edit - Texas Honey - Violets is 3 Vi-o-lets (at least where I come from it is)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Its all good except for this one line only has 9 syllables instead of 10!.
"From these sweet poppies, violets, lillies--" 9 syllables
From-1
these-1
sweet-1
poppies-2
violets-2
lilies-2
maybe you could add the word "all" between from and these!.
or
erase the word these and put the word "many"
i hope I helped!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is nice work, and for the most part is straight iambic pentameter!.
You stretch it a little in line 1!. I think it would more likely be read "THERE where caNARies" instead of "there WHERE caNARies!.!.!." but that's not too bad!.
Line 6 is a bit more of a stretch, as it would have to be read "from THESE sweet POPpies VI-o-LETS liLIES" to be really iambic pentameter!. (You might be able to get away with a 3-syllable "violets," but I think lillies is almost always going to be pronounced "LILies!." ) To fix this, just switch violets & lilies in the line!.
Line 7 is more likely to be read "and THEN by the KIND myrtle's CREED aBIDE!." You can force it to iambic, but it just wouldn't read the same way you would normally speak it!.
How about "and then the myrtle's kindly creed abide!?"
This is great work as it is, and can certainly be kept this way for general purposes!. However, if your teacher is going to focus mostly on the metrics it might be better to make it fit more exactly!.Www@QuestionHome@Com