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Question: Help with a mythological poem!?
Unearthly beauty, face and form
Her smile calmed the wild storm
Persephone!
At every point on barren Earth
Her foot touched, life was given birth
Persephone!
The love of all was hers, and more -
Her goodness was the stuff of lore -
Persephone!
The end, alas! it draweth near!
The Prince of Darkness takes his dear
Persephone!
The land bewails their mistress taken
They whisper low, their joy now shaken,
"Persephone!.!.!."
I thought the second stanza a bit awkward!.!.!. and do you think the "draweth" is pretentious!?
Any help would be much appreciated! This is my first draft, scribbled in the dead of night because it was burning a hole in my head and I couldn't sleep!. When I looked at it the next morning I thought it might actually have promise, and I added the last stanza!.
Thanks!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The second Stanza IS awkward!.
and because of the lead in the third Stanza feels a bit cheeky!.!.!.
but it smooths out!.
I think there is something 'wrong' about life was given birth!.!.!.
it sounds cliched
hmmm!.!.!.
If you can avoid draweth then do itWww@QuestionHome@Com
Sorry i dont do Poems
EDITED
I hate Poem's sorry
YAHOO GET YOUR @SS TO WORK to answer this question and many more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like it i dont think it needs work and hey it's almost may day woot persephone
if persephone is supposed to return tell me why it is snowing right now
leave out draweth draws is adequateWww@QuestionHome@Com
Didn't read it yet, just want to know if it works too!. Is your question one that was posted after this problem!?Www@QuestionHome@Com