Position:Home>Poetry> Didn't quite turn out how I wanted, so any suggestions are welcome to help m
Question: Didn't quite turn out how I wanted, so any suggestions are welcome to help make this better!?
Will you offer critique!?
A once soulful spirit,
tarnished by
a bad reputation,
still keeps secrets
given long ago!.
Home of an old
park bench,
you can still hear
whispers
of two young lovers,
caught up in a moment
they thought
would never end!.!.!.
Front porch steps,
still cracked,
under the weight
of a broken heart
hold memories of when it did!.
In the distance,
echoes of laughter
and the smell of tears,
display a vision of
friends who
shortly became family!.
The stars in the sky
kept their dreams
locked up tight,
knowing sometimes
it was all they had!.
And an old attic window
forever holds
the faint silhouette,
of a girl gazing out,
knowing she'd
always come back to this town!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You have some absolutely stunning imagery in this poem!. The imagery of the old porch creaking under the broken heart was priceless!. Honestly, I don't think that you could make this poem any better!. Your words are heartfelt and I love the line breaks that you use!. The spelling is superb, the punctatuion place perfect and the feel always spot on!. You evoked the exact reaction that you wanted and had me wanting return to the town in which I grew up!. Thank you so much for this wonderful addition to your ever growing collection!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it's beautiful!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sher,
I don't see any thing wrong with this poem,
it is well written,
I think of afew places when I read this
like the old park bench would be the park
with words like family porch home is what I think of
along with the attic window!.
I rate this poem as a 10Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sher, this is really good!. Nice flow!.!.!.evocative content!.
My only suggestion is S2!. Instead of:
Home of an old
park bench,
you can still hear
whispers
You may want to go with:
Old park bench,
You can still hear
whispers
I think that structure works better with your Front porch steps line!.
Excellent work!.
Best,
ToddWww@QuestionHome@Com
Will you give me something to critique for I find this needs none from me! My compliments!. I think I will fix my porch steps now!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Haunting memories seep through the veins, I do not have critique, though I did not connect to the first stanza as I did all the rest, it gave me chills to see the girl in the window!. A thing I have never been gifted at was delivering a punch toward the end of the poem, especially the last few lines!. You hit me with a trembling shutter at the words in the last stanza!.
I find it interesting that I do not connect with the first but the last is the strongest to me!.!.!.
Blessed Be, SirenWww@QuestionHome@Com
This is Beautiful! I want to hear more! on a rating of 1 to 10 its a definate 20!Www@QuestionHome@Com