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Position:Home>Poetry> Will you take a care... and comment?Question: Will you take a care!.!.!. and comment!? Fire burns in the bosom of Earth
Never quenched Ever drenched in gasoline She screams And groans They hear But do not heed Her need for release From the bondage of all Humanity has placed Man could be kind Be sated with the bare essentials But they have drained her breast dry And now they cry Because there is nothing left for them to takeWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Good poem!. Alas, it is based on fallacy, dear!. How can the Mother Earth be left with nothing left for them to take, when in your fourth line, this becomes contradiction!? But, a moving, emotional poem!Www@QuestionHome@Com The burning and the yearning, taking place inside the soul that's churning for release and fighting because they have destroyed Their Mother!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's a good work of poetry!. I can see one major theme in your poem, greed and deprivation, which is a clear allusion to global warming and human nature!. At the end, "And now they cry!.!.!. Because there is nothing left for them to take," is an interesting line, because it talks about Earth and how we destroyed all its resources!. This represents ivory or oil, both of which were taken in such mass quantities that none are left nowadays!. More interestingly, it talks about human nature, about human greed and their inability to see the consequences or suffering of others if it benefits them!. It is a good poem!. But the allusions are very clear, so it may be necessary to remove several absolute words, like "gasoline", or "humanity" and "man", and replace them with a single entity for a metaphoric allusion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Man's cruel treatment of Earth is an important subject to me and this couldn't be more eloquent!. It has haunting, effective imagery to get this point across!. Really powerful!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I have never wanted to be MORE careful with a poem in my life!.!.!. I am not a huge nature Freak but I do care and love her!.!.!. There is a point where one can go overboard and obsess so much about the world 'out there' that they do not see the beauty in their own home!.!.!. But you have not overstepped the line and you bring across the imagery of a need to be more cautious and observant to the world that could be killed by our own greed and vanity!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com This is a beautiful, mind shattering vision of what mankind has done to earth!. We have abused her, burned her, drained her of her resources, namely oil, who knew you could be political, and now we are slowly being forced to pay the consequences!. The starters of the "green" movement obviously realize this as they are more and more realizing that we have committed an terrible deed, and raped the womb that gave us birth!. Chilling and stunning, as ever!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's a nice work!. I like the mixture of the rhyme schemes including the internal rhymes!. You might add more power to the ending lines with something like this: Man could have been gentler But he started with stones to bones to now; Draining the breast dry It is only now he cries With nothing left But tears!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |