Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of this poem....its a repost btw?
Question: What do you think of this poem!.!.!.!.its a repost btw!?
I raise my voice to shatter souls
a cry thats heard by all
I ignore the outer world
to see the truth before my fall
I am the desolate daydreamer
speaking of my pain
I let the darkest clouds of anger
pour down their hateful rain
I lay awake and stare
to some far away place
troubled yet without a care
no expression on my face
i try to ignore my hate
because it clouds my mind
i know that you share my fate
the we are all intertwined
the dream comes in reality
throwing me into a fit
can you feel what i can see
or do you just not give a sh*t!?
ok!.!.!.so are u gonna be honest!.!.!.or just tell me u like it cause u didnt really read it and want points for not doing anything!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Good use of rhythm and meter!. I would write the line: "that we're all intertwined" so it will flow better!.
The final line is like a harsh slap!. I don't know if I like that or not!. I guess I would rather see another expletive such as damn or !.!.!.something else!. I don't like the word "sh*t" !.!.!. but I like the idea of a shocking ending line!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I do like it, actually!.
It's a poem with dark, raw emotion!.!.
I enjoy the subject matter, and the flow!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's actually very real, very pretty, and very raw!. (And I did read it, btw!.) The only critisism I have is that the last stanza feels a little misplaced!. But other than that, I really like it!Www@QuestionHome@Com