Honestly: What do you think of this poem?

Question:I want brutal honesty on this poem. What do you think?

Electrocuted
By: The Other Bella Swan

Those looks
From those gorgeous ice-blue vortex eyes
That send electric shocks through my veins
On a one-way track
Straight to my soul
Causing it to morph
Into an exploding jar of hysterical butterflies
That volley the shock
Into an illegal U-turn
Back through my arteries
Racing to match its yin
The shock of that look exits through my darker, more shallow eyes
To greet its yin as yang

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I want brutal honesty on this poem. What do you think?

Electrocuted
By: The Other Bella Swan

Those looks
From those gorgeous ice-blue vortex eyes
That send electric shocks through my veins
On a one-way track
Straight to my soul
Causing it to morph
Into an exploding jar of hysterical butterflies
That volley the shock
Into an illegal U-turn
Back through my arteries
Racing to match its yin
The shock of that look exits through my darker, more shallow eyes
To greet its yin as yang

honestly.... it doesn't flow at all. There are many points in the poem where it feels like it slaps you in the face. *gorgeous- slap, ice blue- slap- eyes slap. But i really like the imagery and the picture i get when reading it. ok and i don't understand the illegal U-turn, and it was amazing how you could go from electricity to butterflies to racing... that was a bold move. I did enjoy it a lot though and keep writing!

p.s. i honestly did really enjoy it

Honestly?

I think it's pretty good, although a little revision work (play around with wording, order, literary techniques, add/remove...) might make it great.

I'll be honest with you, you don't want brutality.

Bits are good, bits are bad.

you been broken,so i like it..