This is a final revision. I hope. Tell me your honest opinion.?

Question:"the game"

I am now bleeding, bleeding only for you,
reliving abuse long ago I once knew.
Drowned in a lake surrounded by spires,
how deep the scars, marked in me by fire.

Once on a long walk, a cold winters night,
inhaling the stars, engulfed in dead fright.
Did you enjoy your dark twisted sick game,
you even escaped, never taking the blame.

Swallow that taste, the one you once craved,
wallow in filth, you were sick and depraved.
I cry a sad smile, you're not worth dying for,
I've finally come to the last golden door.

As I look around, the world's just a dream,
traveling places I wake up and scream.
Pure terror above me, a beautiful sight,,
dark angels abound, swimming in soft blue light

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "the game"

I am now bleeding, bleeding only for you,
reliving abuse long ago I once knew.
Drowned in a lake surrounded by spires,
how deep the scars, marked in me by fire.

Once on a long walk, a cold winters night,
inhaling the stars, engulfed in dead fright.
Did you enjoy your dark twisted sick game,
you even escaped, never taking the blame.

Swallow that taste, the one you once craved,
wallow in filth, you were sick and depraved.
I cry a sad smile, you're not worth dying for,
I've finally come to the last golden door.

As I look around, the world's just a dream,
traveling places I wake up and scream.
Pure terror above me, a beautiful sight,,
dark angels abound, swimming in soft blue light

Two small malfunctions stand out.

Stanza 1, last line. It would read better if fire was fires.
and in last stanza, last line, the meter has a glitch, and makes it a bit awkward. A slight rearraingment may help.
example:
Dark angels abound and they swim in blue light.
Something on that order.

edit: And ignore the students who use words like cliche'.

I love ur poetry, you are truly gifted,
would you look at my poetry?
I am so inspired by your words!

wow...i really like this one sensei...i can feel the pain emitting, grabbing hold of me...wonderful metaphors....beautiful poem master......
~Grasshopper

It's okay. The phrases "a cold winter's night" and "bleeding only for you" are cliche. It seems as though a word or something is missing from the line, "traveling places I wake up and scream." It also seems that the poem is too dependent on the rhyming, that is why I don't like using rhyme unless I have to (i.e. for a specific form).

Stellar!

This poem has amazing imagery: I especially admire "inhaling the stars" and the contrast in your penultimate verse. The poem itself speaks of hope and letting go of the past. The "golden door," the spiritual entrance to America and its promises of liberty and justice are echoed in your poem. I commend you on this one.

It's perfect.

Wow, a totally different form of "emo" DP!

Loved this very much my friend <3

All the Very Best, Shad @)~>~