Water poem help?

Question:The cool, clear liquid rolls off into the pool
Singular drops rush into the race
To splash icy coldness onto my face
As I stand under the waterfall.

The sun beats down onto my hands, legs and neck
My feet covered by Mother Natures ...

Hi, I wrote this and was wondering what you think of it - truthful answers needed as this is going towards my n.c.f.e

also what would you say water is to mother nature? I need to carry this on,

Thanks!

=]

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: The cool, clear liquid rolls off into the pool
Singular drops rush into the race
To splash icy coldness onto my face
As I stand under the waterfall.

The sun beats down onto my hands, legs and neck
My feet covered by Mother Natures ...

Hi, I wrote this and was wondering what you think of it - truthful answers needed as this is going towards my n.c.f.e

also what would you say water is to mother nature? I need to carry this on,

Thanks!

=]

Yeah, I like it! You really get the sense of 'texture' into the poem. I can 'feel' the water running through my hands.

How about...
Gentle embrace
Silky sheet
Sweet kiss
Ocean waters
Aqua droplets
Secret lagoon
Saphire pearls
Hidden teardrops

...Got a bit carried away :-s. Anyway, hope I helped and good luck with your poem! I really liked it! :-)

yeah it's not bad

sorrowful weeping.

...tender caress

Water could be Mother Nature's nurturing sustenance
Maybe you could finish the line with:
"My feet covered by Mother Nature's soothing lake
Distilled from her infinite seas"

Hi I really like it, just needs to flow a bit more for me, cut out a couple of the's. Could be wrong though technico, could be wrong. Just a suggestion what about.

Cool, clear liquid rolls off into the pool
Singular drops rush and race
To splash icy coldness onto my face
As I stand under the waterfall.

The sun beats down onto hands, legs and neck to
Feet covered by Mother Natures glistening
Mirroring life sustaining nectar.

it's nice but rather short - perhaps you could add more ideas about water - there's so much to say on the subject.
sea, waterfalls, streams, rivers, etc etc
gd luk

It's good.
You capture the "feel" of splashing water.

"Mother Nature's wandering daughter"?

She made a song when the world was new
Water's laughter carries it through.

Best wishes with this.