New poem.. What do you think?

Question:He's Just a Dream

He used to hold me
In his arms,
He used to keep me,
Safe from harm.

He used to whisper
In my ear,
He used to say things,
For just me to hear.

He used to wonder,
What we could be,
He used to wait,
For only me.

He used to be the truth,
Together we were a team,
'Cause he used to be a part of me,
Now he's just a dream.
~~~~~~
I can take criticism, be harsh if you need to be =P How can I improve it, this is my first draft...?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: He's Just a Dream

He used to hold me
In his arms,
He used to keep me,
Safe from harm.

He used to whisper
In my ear,
He used to say things,
For just me to hear.

He used to wonder,
What we could be,
He used to wait,
For only me.

He used to be the truth,
Together we were a team,
'Cause he used to be a part of me,
Now he's just a dream.
~~~~~~
I can take criticism, be harsh if you need to be =P How can I improve it, this is my first draft...?

i think what Otro meant by "weak rhyme" is that you have used a lot of common rhymes...ear/hear, team/dream, arm/harm. for poetry to be original, you should try to use different rhyme pairings.
also, while this poem is good as a beginning, on the whole the ideas in it are not new (they ahve been done before many many times) and if you want to effectively describe lost love, you should perhaps try to use your own, less cliched phrases and lines.
keep writing
=]

I like it!
For a first draft, it is fine.
Short and sweet and clear!
Post it again when you have polished it up!!
Keep writing!!!

Write topics that no one has dared to write, Tell us something that no one has told, Destroy things that the centuries could not and make up new ones from the ashes: and then we will call you Poet and we will follow you! But please don't give us a bunch of pentasyllables and weak rimes that don't tell something deep. Excuse me if I am harsh but I think that you can become better, and we really need poets in this world!... Huidobro said: "don't sing to the flower, let it be born in your poem"
Excuse my english, I'm still learning.
Besos.

I love it keep doing this and you may be in hollywood doing poetry