A rewrite...what do you think of this one?

Question:i wrote the first four lines of this in October...the rest is my refined version of the respose i got from a Y!A user called KillPhil:

"Lost Souls of the Internet"

Faraway places, artificial faces
The lost souls of the internet gather round the flame
Searching for an answer
To the problems of their lives
Answers they will never find
The flame is sure to blind, in time
Solutions never gather here
Always out there, somewhere, atop
Some snow-browwed mountain, too cold to bear
And faw away - life is unfair.
Absolution never found
Life's conclusion never known
But then,
If an answer rears its head
Is it worthwhile in the long run?
Does anything really matter when
You're staring at a gun?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: i wrote the first four lines of this in October...the rest is my refined version of the respose i got from a Y!A user called KillPhil:

"Lost Souls of the Internet"

Faraway places, artificial faces
The lost souls of the internet gather round the flame
Searching for an answer
To the problems of their lives
Answers they will never find
The flame is sure to blind, in time
Solutions never gather here
Always out there, somewhere, atop
Some snow-browwed mountain, too cold to bear
And faw away - life is unfair.
Absolution never found
Life's conclusion never known
But then,
If an answer rears its head
Is it worthwhile in the long run?
Does anything really matter when
You're staring at a gun?

Hummmm.... where to start?

"Some snow-browwed mountain" is browwed a word? It may be but just doesn't look right to me.

I like the idea of lost souls but then you stagger away from that and end up with a gun at your face....

You go from wondering about questions to death basically staring at you...

I think these are 2 different questions that need to be written separately about.

Like I said I liked the first part of the poem... other than not being sure if browwed was a word... but the second part I don't think really fits.... though I would use it in a separate poem about guns.... could be a good start to another one.

Just some of my thoughts.... as always you don't need to pay any attention to them.

Thanks for sharing tho

wow your so good!! i love ur poem!!
wow is just so awesome the way u come up with those words.