What do you think of my new poem (Lies) JUST WROTE IT!?

Question:“Lies”
Brittany

You day that you want to come back, but look where you are
When you called me that one day, I found it nothing but bizarre.
Did nothing but apologize for the things you have done
Are you doing this because you care; or all for fun?

I don’t know what you want from me, you already took it all.
There is not a longer distance that I could have fallen.
You took everything I ever knew,
But yet, I was still here for you.

Why did you call if you didn’t mean anything you said?
It was just about time that I was finally going to be ahead.
I was willing to take you back for what you would give me.
No matter what, I will always love you, can you see?

Do me one last favor and don’t call for a long while.
Just until you are ready to surrender, not to be so hostile
I believe the one you love has a heart of coal.
Not caring about you in the end, she has no soul.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: “Lies”
Brittany

You day that you want to come back, but look where you are
When you called me that one day, I found it nothing but bizarre.
Did nothing but apologize for the things you have done
Are you doing this because you care; or all for fun?

I don’t know what you want from me, you already took it all.
There is not a longer distance that I could have fallen.
You took everything I ever knew,
But yet, I was still here for you.

Why did you call if you didn’t mean anything you said?
It was just about time that I was finally going to be ahead.
I was willing to take you back for what you would give me.
No matter what, I will always love you, can you see?

Do me one last favor and don’t call for a long while.
Just until you are ready to surrender, not to be so hostile
I believe the one you love has a heart of coal.
Not caring about you in the end, she has no soul.

I like your poem!
But once a liar and a cheater... why deal with this guy? why give him the upper hand? maybe you should re word and give you back the power! You have your whole life ahead of you and are obviously talented dump him and don't let him know you care!

I think poetry should try to deal with larger human truths, rather than the specifics of one couple's petty argument. This is not a poem so much as a message to one person written in rhyme and poor meter.

At best, these are song lyrics. It really doesn't rise high enough to qualify as poetry. Sorry.