Why not waste a few seconds rating my pome?

Question:I've never sought public opinion on my pomes, so read, enjoy, criticise, have a shot at me, whatever you like. I WILL choose a Best Answer if it's honest and thoughtful.
1.
when i alone did sleep on shallow waves
i wished (and Whisht!)
it came to drown my fallow soul to blame and choke my gallows neck with what (thought i) would be
a hand of milken silken shame it spoke as demons don't
and rent was i from earthly bonds
we two now flew (though i in chains
attached to succubus's eye)
how now remains the tale
of appendage where it oughtn't be
an incubus had taken me!

2.when hanging poised from an escarpment (hanging poised a while i've been)
one hopes the rock below is carpet on the sharpest of my dreams
in which a sliver shirt entrapment straps my fall into the sea
sweetest waves of "hush your mouth" and that thought, beseeching me
so i flail with joy, and joyous fill my lungs with drinkest blue
which forms an ocean 'round my other
and the ocean drank is you.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I've never sought public opinion on my pomes, so read, enjoy, criticise, have a shot at me, whatever you like. I WILL choose a Best Answer if it's honest and thoughtful.
1.
when i alone did sleep on shallow waves
i wished (and Whisht!)
it came to drown my fallow soul to blame and choke my gallows neck with what (thought i) would be
a hand of milken silken shame it spoke as demons don't
and rent was i from earthly bonds
we two now flew (though i in chains
attached to succubus's eye)
how now remains the tale
of appendage where it oughtn't be
an incubus had taken me!

2.when hanging poised from an escarpment (hanging poised a while i've been)
one hopes the rock below is carpet on the sharpest of my dreams
in which a sliver shirt entrapment straps my fall into the sea
sweetest waves of "hush your mouth" and that thought, beseeching me
so i flail with joy, and joyous fill my lungs with drinkest blue
which forms an ocean 'round my other
and the ocean drank is you.

Wow! I honestly think that you have a very good career ahead of you if you keep this up! Your poems were full of detail and emotion. They had a very good choice of words! I have been writing short poems for sometime now and I think that you should write a book of them! People now adays don't appreciate a good poem. I think that if more people read yours them they's be more interested in them (poems). My best wishes to you.

wow, thats great, I could never write like that. i'd give it an 8.5/10. btw, it's poem not pome (unless thats how the britts spell it, then never mind)

Very interesting. I like them.

I don't know why you don't think your not a poet.These words are very nice and to a point. Good luck to you.

Hey ... poetry is subjective....pome though is actually french for apple I think the e changes the syllable oooo to aww short not long .
Anyway phonetics not withstanding I liked the verse or stanza named 2. you may want to call it abandon or rapture. particularly , I like ... the sweetest waves of " hush your mouth" I wonder how often that phrase has been uttered in those moments..
I have to think about pome or stanza 1 a little more. .

Good work!