I just made this up. What do you think?

Question:Love, Lay Down

Love lay down across my bed,
caress the curls from my forehead
with gentle hands, let thrills be spread.
O, love lay down across my bed.

Your eyes that beam so like the sun
when I behold you my soul's undone
for with your gaze my heart is won.
O, eyes that beam so like the sun.

Thus I swear to you my heart.
I, a victim of cupid's dart,
the whole of me I will impart
for thus I swear to you my heart.

To much rhyming? Poor meter? Doesn't flow well? I made it up in about three seconds. I thought it might be ok.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Love, Lay Down

Love lay down across my bed,
caress the curls from my forehead
with gentle hands, let thrills be spread.
O, love lay down across my bed.

Your eyes that beam so like the sun
when I behold you my soul's undone
for with your gaze my heart is won.
O, eyes that beam so like the sun.

Thus I swear to you my heart.
I, a victim of cupid's dart,
the whole of me I will impart
for thus I swear to you my heart.

To much rhyming? Poor meter? Doesn't flow well? I made it up in about three seconds. I thought it might be ok.

I love it!!! The rhyming helps it flow. I definitely give it a 10 out of 10.

that was... beautiful. i reaaly liked it.

i like it!
the use of apostophe is sweet
the rhyming makes it flow
nice!

that was actually really good and im surprised that someone was finally able to pull off rhyming pretty well, kudos. but cupid's dart makes me want to vomit. other than that, awesome job =]

i like it ...its beautiful

wow that was reli beautifull
u have talent ever throught of making a book of poetry??

Free style it. Try to be less bound up with the same number of lines stanzas. Taking time for rhymes stems the creativity. Let the words flow, and then if you need to tie it up with stanzas and rhymes, but I think you will like the feeling of just writing with your natural instinct. You are really good, and I know you will do well whether you take my advice or not.

Good flow! The rhyming's good, not too much in my opinion. It's lovely.