New Poem. Care To Read?

Question:Less angry, more simple:

Eyes are night sky blue,

Dark and bold,

Round, and striking,

Iris wide.

Lips are cherry pink,

Bashful and colorful,

Without them being of a clowns.

Juicy dry.

Hair is fiery red,

Every strand shining,

Showing off its elegance,

Teasing flow.

Skin is fair white,

Smooth and sensual,

Freckled on sweetness,

Baby's skin.

Body is carved to perfect form,

Curves well adjusted,

Breasts of a smart size,

Unreal fantasy.

Spirit is untamable,

Wild and thriving,

Untrust brimming,

Scorn inevitable.

Heart is blackened,

Hateful radiation from every crack or corner,

Glaring and unsafe,

Rotten core.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Less angry, more simple:

Eyes are night sky blue,

Dark and bold,

Round, and striking,

Iris wide.

Lips are cherry pink,

Bashful and colorful,

Without them being of a clowns.

Juicy dry.

Hair is fiery red,

Every strand shining,

Showing off its elegance,

Teasing flow.

Skin is fair white,

Smooth and sensual,

Freckled on sweetness,

Baby's skin.

Body is carved to perfect form,

Curves well adjusted,

Breasts of a smart size,

Unreal fantasy.

Spirit is untamable,

Wild and thriving,

Untrust brimming,

Scorn inevitable.

Heart is blackened,

Hateful radiation from every crack or corner,

Glaring and unsafe,

Rotten core.

Sounds like you're dating my ex-wife, the Gods preserve you! Nice work though. Stay groovy.

The stanza on 'lips' is nice. I didn't like the lack of grammar

Nice word choices! Like very much. The punctuation after Juicy Dry doesn't make sense with the rest of the rhythm you have going. Other than that, very good indeed!

VERY ARTISTIC AVE A STAR*

Its very good at being a descriptive poem.
It incorporates the visual, taste and touch senses, which is always fun.

Humm, interesting.

Well, I think this is pretty good- I enjoyed your word choice, subject matter, and the flow. But, you do need to work on your grammar in some places in this poem.