HeLP.GOOD POEM FOR SOMEONE UNDER THE AGE OF 14?

Question:Until I die
There will be no answer
But when I cry
I remember my question has an answer
My question is, why is world so cruel?
The answers make me feel like a fool.
People say I am just overly- stressed
but I know I have been sent on a quest
That I must find out
Why world is cruel
but suddenly I fill with doubt
I cannot make it, without help from this cruel world

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Until I die
There will be no answer
But when I cry
I remember my question has an answer
My question is, why is world so cruel?
The answers make me feel like a fool.
People say I am just overly- stressed
but I know I have been sent on a quest
That I must find out
Why world is cruel
but suddenly I fill with doubt
I cannot make it, without help from this cruel world

I am under 14 and i can understand it very well. It has some similies and metaphors. I think it would be great for a 14 yr old. I'm a professional poet, i got my poem published in a story called Twilight Musings, and i know the ages for poems. Yours is great because this 14 yr old will get deep in thought and you can ask many questions to get there brain pumped up! i hoped this helped!

under 14...yeaaa right

I think it's kind of too emotional for a younger person.

thats a good poem! i really like it =]]

im 14,and i ***** rhym like that,HAHAHHAHA
so,no but great poem

Too personal. Hide it with poetry tools. (metaphors, imagery...)

sorry it sucks think of something better + 14 year olds are s_luts
im 15 i know.!

The truth is, person under the age of 14, this was not good as a poem at all. As a 14-year-old, I myself can find you many other 14-year-olds who can write better.

The main problem with this is it's complete cliche, unnecessary, and it could have been said in one sentence.

"I am emo."

Mostly, you should describe through events, imagery, and wit--not simple "I hate myself."

It's very typical of a poem written by someone under 14. If you wanted to make it better, I'd say it has too much rhyming and too many repeated words. It's also just kind of whiny.

Hm... i'm 14, and I didn't really agree with the message. You don't have a lot of imagery in here, and some of your rhymes rhyme, but they don't make sense together. the cruel and fool lines sounded really nice, but the stressed and quest lines I had to question.

Another thing you might look at would be the number of syllables per line. You don't have a set 'beat' so it's hard to read.

And lastly, the first four lines were questionable:

until I die,
there will be no answer
But when I cry
I remember my question has an answer.

That's like saying 'there isn't an answer.. oh! wait, I remember, there is an answer, silly me.'

You skirt around the point a lot too....

_____

That sounds kind of harsh, but you have a good poem that has a lot of potential. Work on it some more, and you could have an amazing poem.

Good luck!

did u make that up? It's very impressive i like it. It's absolutely beautiful. I love it