I have another poem?

Question:it is called My Paradise by Cait

My paradise is where I am always funny.
Where I have enough money.
My paradise is where everyone thinks i'm cool.
Where I have a nice pool.

My paradise is where I am always special.
Where I can get alot of facials.
My paradise is where there is love.
Where everywhere there are doves.

My paradise is where i'd love to stay
And I can stay if I want to anyway
My paradise is where I drive a car
And it is where You are

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: it is called My Paradise by Cait

My paradise is where I am always funny.
Where I have enough money.
My paradise is where everyone thinks i'm cool.
Where I have a nice pool.

My paradise is where I am always special.
Where I can get alot of facials.
My paradise is where there is love.
Where everywhere there are doves.

My paradise is where i'd love to stay
And I can stay if I want to anyway
My paradise is where I drive a car
And it is where You are

Hi,
This is a cute, fun poem.
I like it.

i don't like to be harsh, but i'm afraid your rhymes seem a little forced to me. you dont have to endstop every line, try mixing in a lil bit of enjambment to make the rhymes less blatant

A poem of paradise
is always something nice
I like the line that says
paradise is always special
paradise a place to rest
and to relax
leave the tensions behind

that sounds like a nice place to be hold that dear to u that is a place were u can always go for insperation and i like the poem

i dont wanna be mean, but i dont like it that much. srry.
it sounds like ur uptight as you wrote it, like u were trying too hard.

i agree with kleptomaniac sheep, although you're ideas are good, you're rhymes are a little forced and it does not flow very well. but good start!

Well, I liked the start of it. And I like the idea of it.

I would recommend switching some of your lines up, your beginning would be a show stopper if you would take out all of the "my paradise is..." and "Where I" .. "And I"

Try just going into the next line without those at some times..
for example

My paradise is where I am always funny
Where I have plenty of money
Everyone thinks I am cool
I can't forget to mention the pool

My paradise exists without anger or fear... (or anything you dont want in your paradise)
It delights in company
and will be present through the years

I don't know just a thought

Sometimes poems turn out better if you don't make them rhyme in every line..

and if you vary the lengths of your lines..

also, facial and special do not rhyme although they look alike

It has great potential, I'd recommend revising

Keep up the good work

Eh.
It doesn't strike me as anything much. Sorry.

I hate to be mean. But your poem is just words that happen to rhyme.

It's sounds more like a song to me. I like it!