Dark, depressing, cutting poem?

Question:Dark, alone, Trembeling,
Long sleeves cover these cutes on my wrists,
This is what you did to me
And every story you say, has a twist.

Now I must Hide these scars
Day after Day
As I stay to the side
With no words with I can say

I am alone in this world
As I lay Crying
I read for my sword
In my hope of dying

This is my relief
to get away from it all
cutting the skin
with my sharp saw.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Dark, alone, Trembeling,
Long sleeves cover these cutes on my wrists,
This is what you did to me
And every story you say, has a twist.

Now I must Hide these scars
Day after Day
As I stay to the side
With no words with I can say

I am alone in this world
As I lay Crying
I read for my sword
In my hope of dying

This is my relief
to get away from it all
cutting the skin
with my sharp saw.

I have a formula for critiques. I usually don't do poetry because I don't write poetry, but I'll use my standard critique with some alterations. I hope this helps. You're showing a lot of strong potential. My suggestions are just suggestions. This is your work and it's up to you to make it what you want it to be.

First Impression: Definitely emo (I don't mind emo--I've spent much of my life in this type of mood). You end poetry much better than I've ever been able to. I tend to avoid writing poetry because I've never been able to end poems right. It reads easily.

Grammar/Spelling: Trembling (first line), perhaps lower case on trembling, cuts (second line), comma after story (fourth line), lower case on hide (fifth line), lower case on second day (sixth line), eliminate second with (eighth line), lower case on crying (tenth line), upper case on first letter of lines fourteen, fifteen and sixteen for consistancy.

Word Choice: I think instead of read in line eleven, you meant reach. Your alliteration is very good.

Overall: Great job capturing the angst that leads to cutting and the difficulty of hiding the cutting. It doesn't seem too dark and depressing, but the elements are there.

very good

it's depressing
but pretty good
'cept you spelled cuts wrong :/

beautiful!

you really need help. this is an issue, please talk to someone about it. it can save your life

lots of spelling errors... but otherwise it is really good!

Yes. It is a dark, depressing, cutting poem, and sad too. You've done a real good job with it.

It's a strange coincidence you should choose a subject like this. Couple of weeks ago, I wrote a poem in response to the asker's beginning line:

I call it, "THE HURT"

When I see the cuts on your wrist, it brings a pain to my heart
And I wonder If you'll tell me just what's tearing you apart?
The scars silently scream the pain of your cries
But nothing can hide the deep hurt in your eyes.

A black cloud now looms o'er me in my bed, as I toss
And I wonder what could've happened; Is it a lover you've lost?
And I anger myself as l wallow my bed
Cause I can't seem to get you out of my head.

I don't know you, just met you, This just can't be right
But your agony assails me all through the night.
Day's now approaching, and I hope I can find
What's tormenting you, and what's disturbing my mind

It was provocative. Definitely frightening.
It also moved me because I know two girls who went emo because of the same guy (who's a jerk).

I loved it!

Will you do me a huge favor and answer my question now? Thanks a million! http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...