New kind of poem... Will you read it?

Question:She left and I hoped
That one day she’d come back
But she is still away
Where will I find her kind?
When we parted
She took one piece
Of my happy heart
But one piece
Was all it took
To shatter me to the floor

Try to hold my heart
Draw away with burnt hands
I will not remember you
You and your promise of an ever after
You only want my passion
And not the pain it hides

In all
I will
Overcome

I will still love you
If you could only see
Me
For
Who
I
Am

The Fallen prince
Of my once Fairytale

The End

I wrote this after my gf broke up with me… I went and I read lots of other poems but I didn’t copy. I needed to see how poems sounded before I could really make my own.
This one took me 3-4 hours to finish and I am still thinking about changing it. It it natural to feel like your poem is never done?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: She left and I hoped
That one day she’d come back
But she is still away
Where will I find her kind?
When we parted
She took one piece
Of my happy heart
But one piece
Was all it took
To shatter me to the floor

Try to hold my heart
Draw away with burnt hands
I will not remember you
You and your promise of an ever after
You only want my passion
And not the pain it hides

In all
I will
Overcome

I will still love you
If you could only see
Me
For
Who
I
Am

The Fallen prince
Of my once Fairytale

The End

I wrote this after my gf broke up with me… I went and I read lots of other poems but I didn’t copy. I needed to see how poems sounded before I could really make my own.
This one took me 3-4 hours to finish and I am still thinking about changing it. It it natural to feel like your poem is never done?

AHW, you are learning so much. This is good because you have found, weather by accident or purpose, subtle inflection and suggestion. It is a semi-subliminal thing that many poets put to good use.
You put in the 'Ever after, Prince,' and 'Fairytale' and yet the poem is not centered on those terms. They leap out at the reader because they are recognizable and yet you have laced them in delicately.
I am not accusing you of plagiarism, but you have seemed to blossom over night. I know how much pain and love can Foster poetic souls though. Trust me, you will find solace in your pin and paper... but you have to go out and live as well.

Blessed Be

This is not a new kind of poem Sony!

But I have to give you some credit... you learn fast!

This is not a bad poem, in fact it is quite good. I love the way you have taken your situation and turned it into inspiration. Keep this stuff up and we may make a poet out of you yet.

Awesome.

I never feel like my poems are done so eventualy i just put them away and later when i look at them they seem fine.

I like it, love this style may have to try it myself have written things like this in the past i will have to digg them out and share. But Its great. Unfortunately it is very sad that you had to find out that love is not a fairytale.

That is a great Poem
Yes is is natural to feel as if your poem isn't done. Especially if the thing you are writing about isn't finished in your life or in your mind.
But you don't have to put "The End" at the end of it, however that is a nice effect for this poem because of the way you reference a Fairy Tale I would KEEP it the way it is.
I used to write poems all the time as a teenager. It's a good way to let out all the stuff that gets all jumbled up.
And I wrote some in college for creative writing class.
Just remember---as I can see you know ----a poem doesn't have to rhyme to be good.
I think this one is very good and has a good rhythm to it.

Its natural to feel your poem is never done because youre striving for perfection. Once you get it perfect enough you will feel that its complete. It doesnt look all that bad for your first poem. A word of advice your poem It needs emotion. I wanna feel youre hurt youre pain thats what a poem is all about.

When you say this is a new kind of poem you don't mean that it's new to the world, you mean that it's new to you, am I right there? I really liked the flow this one had, but do realize that you don' t need to capitalize the first word at the beginning of each line. It's okay to let them run in sentences. I really like the two last lines, but think it was made a little trite by "The End" at the end. Poems should end, but it should never be stated, that way the reader is able to mull on it a little bit and not feel like they are cut off from the feeling. On the whole, another good effort from Regan H.