Something I wrote for lunch. LOL How is this one.?

Question:"prisoner of the sea"

Roses black just like my heart,
Growing slow in the frosty peat.
Buds hanging low, hugging the ground,
Dying slow in the last snow this year.

A picture crumbled, lost in memory,
A nude, A woman from so long ago.
Her body lifeless, a four poster bed,
So very old it's yellow and sepia tone.

I stand shivering waiting for sunset,
Keeping watch over silent graves.
The sun glints off the early spring waves,
Never to reach the rock strewn coast.

The sea drowns out all of my thought,
Of this woman reborn from my past.
Shapes and shadows cloud my mind,
I'm now a prisoner, doomed to fate.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "prisoner of the sea"

Roses black just like my heart,
Growing slow in the frosty peat.
Buds hanging low, hugging the ground,
Dying slow in the last snow this year.

A picture crumbled, lost in memory,
A nude, A woman from so long ago.
Her body lifeless, a four poster bed,
So very old it's yellow and sepia tone.

I stand shivering waiting for sunset,
Keeping watch over silent graves.
The sun glints off the early spring waves,
Never to reach the rock strewn coast.

The sea drowns out all of my thought,
Of this woman reborn from my past.
Shapes and shadows cloud my mind,
I'm now a prisoner, doomed to fate.

I like this.

The second line took me off guard; the poem's structure and rhythm had me expecting a direct rhyme, but 'peat' came as a pleasant surprise. Great substitution of internal rhyme and assonance over end rhyme to keep the poem alive.

The one change I would make is to the line 'So very old it's yellow and sepia tone.' The line just doesn't seem to flow with the others when I read it out loud. Maybe a semi-colon after old would help? I'm also not a big fan of the first line, black roses seem kind of cliche and don't really fit in with the rest of the poem.

Good work.

I think I like this one quite a lot, I like what you did with it and where you went. I like the picture and sounds of the water, and the ancient yellowed picture. Well done.

love it.

i sort of has that gloomy, haunting vibe

but then it also has a sweet love vibe that sort of makes you think.

this one is very interesting and somewhat different from your others, i really like it, and i pictured the rocky sea side while i read it.

hm....interesting....i could imagine the sea...*imagine all the people...living life in peace...you...you may say i'm a dreamer...but i'm not the only one...i hope someday you'll join us...and the world could live as one...* lol sorry...had to do that....the first stanza was my favorite...(: x