Poem woo hoo???

Question:It is called My Dreams Never Come Tru by Cait

I am sitting next to you on a bench
Under the moonlit sky;Looking into your eyes
We whisper how much we love eachother
My dreams never come true

I am walking beside in the mall
Sorrounded by people.I don't care at all
I look at your smile and my heart melts
My dreams never come true

I walk into the party in a short red dress
I see you kissing a girl in the crowd
I run to you crying, yelling "HOW COULD YOU!?"
I run out the door;my eyes all red
This nightmare came true

what do you think??

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It is called My Dreams Never Come Tru by Cait

I am sitting next to you on a bench
Under the moonlit sky;Looking into your eyes
We whisper how much we love eachother
My dreams never come true

I am walking beside in the mall
Sorrounded by people.I don't care at all
I look at your smile and my heart melts
My dreams never come true

I walk into the party in a short red dress
I see you kissing a girl in the crowd
I run to you crying, yelling "HOW COULD YOU!?"
I run out the door;my eyes all red
This nightmare came true

what do you think??

It's a really good poem. I liked it. It has a lot of emotion in it, especially at the end.

That is so depressing..

its deep..but its pretty good.

I like it, I have always liked repetition in poetry. Great job

I rewrote it. I think it's better now.

Next to you on a bench
the moonlit sky; your gentle eyes
whispers of sweet love,
but my dreams will never come true

I am walking
surrounded by people and all alone
your smile melts my heart,
but my dreams will never come true

I wear the short red dress you like
but you are kissing someone new
my heart shatters
and my dreams will never come true

Tears say "How could you?"
then my legs ran away with me
these eyes are raw and wounded
and my dreams will never come true.

You were the prince in my nightmare
the hope of something more
but now you are the nightmare prince
and my dreams will NEVER come true.

Oh Gosh! Soooooo despressing! But I like it!

You did okay but, a poem has to flow and you must have rhyming each two lines. Okay , how does this sound:
In my mind I sit with you on this bench of gold,
Under a moonlit night I place your eyes on hold.
We whisper sweet nothings and the love for each other.
My dreams never come true ohhh Brother!!!

We walk side by side in the Mall together
Not caring of the people around or the weather.
I see your glistening smile causing my heart to melt.
These dreams of mine I have always felt.

I walked into a party just one of those nights,
My short red dress being the greatest of sights!
I saw you kissing that girl in the party crowd!
I ran at you crying, yelling and I vowed.
Never again I say ,HOW COULD YOU!?
Now I can find a fella anew!
I swear as I stand her this nightmare is true.
This is why, My Dreams Never Come True.
My one guy will come for sure I say,
So in my thoughts I'll try again another day.