This is a serious rewrite. It is so different, I hope u like it.?

Question:"end of the line"

My eyes tear up, as I hold you tight,
I am exhausted, yet no sleep tonight.

Yes I am frail, but I still have fire,
Dreaming of you I burn with desire.

Will you remember the words we both said,
Out went the light as we crawled into bed.

Sleep my precious angel, sleep all that you can,
Even though I am older, I'm still just a man.

I'm old and wise, but God I'm so tired,
As I dream tonight, a son I might sire.

Closing my eyes, I whisper softly goodbye,
As I drift off to death, not even a sigh.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "end of the line"

My eyes tear up, as I hold you tight,
I am exhausted, yet no sleep tonight.

Yes I am frail, but I still have fire,
Dreaming of you I burn with desire.

Will you remember the words we both said,
Out went the light as we crawled into bed.

Sleep my precious angel, sleep all that you can,
Even though I am older, I'm still just a man.

I'm old and wise, but God I'm so tired,
As I dream tonight, a son I might sire.

Closing my eyes, I whisper softly goodbye,
As I drift off to death, not even a sigh.

good poem, well written. it rhymes, which always appeals to me when done well. i have one issue: the 2nd line of the 5th couplet. the rest of the poem i like, but that one line...*shrugs* guess it's just an "itch" for me.
good ending, though. i like that.

that's really good, and I think you should enter it into a contest.

You are once again superb.

wow i loved that poem that was really amazing i am spechless wow

I do like it, serious poem for a serious subject, but not cloyingly so. Well done, thank you.

I like this one very much; it has rhyme, meter and structure. It flows softly and sweetly to the end.

*is at lost for words* *is thinking really hard of what to say* lol
ok.....wow....i like how you did it in couplets! really....i really like it....and yesh...you are older.....but you are middle aged! almost...(:x idk....i like it....

wow i really like this.
i wish i could write this good.