What do you guys think of my peom HONESTLY?

Question:http://www.poetry.com/Publications/displ...

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: http://www.poetry.com/Publications/displ...

I think any man or person who is lucky enough to get that from you would have his heart melting like butter on a heated iron skillet.

Miss K, I think you must have made his day.

Too long for men.

its ok.
my only advice is to indent or something.
make stanza's &stuff to make it look more artsy.

You asked for honesty, so here it is:

It's pretty long. If you call it an ode, you can justify the length a bit more.

It would also help if you built the structure around the rhyme. Start a new line after the rhyming word.

The intent is very sweet, but it sounds selfish. With so much reference to "I", it sounds like you're saying "I love you because of what you do for me." I can tell by the poem that is not your intent, but that is how it seems at first. You might consider saying the same things using "you" more often than "I".

Its hard to read. Make some stanzas.

Ooops. You look selfish. I feel sorry for the guy.

Don't love him because he loves you. Love him just because you love him.

It belongs on poetry.com that's for sure--Hallmark wouldn't touch it.

Honestly, read some real poetry and see what well-crafted words can do. What you've done is tried to do something that you don't understand. Stop that. Learn your craft, practice your craft, then--and only then--should you ask anyone to read what you've done.

Your intention expressed is quite good and that itself is a poetry After all it is meant for what ? Just a gesture written in few different words or vocabulary ! Only the intention and too with persistent effort to maintain is significant . Loving someone with some fascinating superious or virtue is easy spontaneously but to keep it live for long is difficult. I hope your loving brown eyes will keep it into the eye lashes and won't allow it to fall to the ground.

Can't say I thought much of it. Try correcting the grammar a little and it wouldn't sound like somehting some black kid wrote in the streets of harlem.