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Question: FORGIVENESS !? : So if it is important to forgive my in-laws, do I have to talk to them ever again!?
My in-laws done us dirty!. I mean it too!. Hurt us desperately emotionally and financially!. We have been getting over it and letting go of the hate bit by bit!. We certainly don't speak to them, and we don't ever want to speak to them again!. Isn't it simply a consequence of the act that the relationship is over!. Do we have to tell them we forgive them to be all good in the forgiveness dept!. I mean, you don't have to forgive someone who rapes you and go give them a hug do you!? I don't want these people back in my life!. I understand that they don't know any better and aren't capable of better behavior!. But I still hate what happened and I hate what they are capable of!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Whoooooooa there, Hoss!.
Forgiveness does not mean all of a sudden you're going to be best friends, or that you hunt someone down to let them know you've forgiven them, or that you have to have anything to do with the other guy AT ALL!.
Some people we forgive are not safe to be around!. Some people we just don't want to be around!.
The work of forgiveness is a completely selfish act!. We do it for ourselves, to remove the poison from our own soul!.
You are doing very well, by the way!. I can see the anger in your writing!. It is appropriate to be angry and outraged when someone does you dirty!. And you are clear!. You "hate what happened" and you "hate what they are capable of"!. You are accepting the fact of what happened, and you now have the opportunity to move on!. Your move!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

my in law do some to me also and im not talking to her now cause i cant forget what she say or act but if you able to be better and forgive and forget so its ok but try to put limits just learn from the fault u can forgive but don't forget just to learn not to hold hateWww@QuestionHome@Com

Forgiveness is a choice!. You can forgive the action, you don't have to forgive the people!. It sounds like you are better off without them anyway!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

As stated above, hate the action, not the person!. It does no good to hold such grudges nor bear the weight of non-forgiveness on you!. Learn from the experience and become better for it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

you should forgive them!.!.!. but u dont have to speak to them anymoreWww@QuestionHome@Com

The whole concept of forgiveness comes from religious teachings, but it's a garbled message!. More practical and useful and doable is "do not resent" which is what was originally being said!. Doesn't matter what people do, what's important is how you handle it!. Discern=see things for what they are, but do not judge!. See it but do not resent it!. Resentment=judgment=Pride which was the original problem in the Eden metaphor!. Playing God!.

No, you don't have to talk to them!. Get a restraining order!. Tell them they will be shot on sight if they trespass!. But to be free you must do it with merry eyes twinkling and no hate in your heart!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Forgiveness is a biggie to me so here's what I think!. I've been in your shoes!. It IS important to forgive!. I think it's really important to strive to feel "indifferent"!. No, if you don't want contact there's nothing wrong with that!. You are not obligated to have anyone in your lives that you do not want in it!. If your spouse did, I'd say you have to strive to accept that but just don't let them in your home or be around them, ya know!?! Best wishes!. When you are able to not have rage, resentment and anger and a pounding heart when you think of them you have made progress!. Remember everybody has a choice how they act and whether or not they treat you right!. If they failed you there is nothing to feel guilty about if you don't want to ever see them again!. Just my take!. I wish you the best!.Www@QuestionHome@Com