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Question: I want to be happy alone!?
I recognise there is a need for human contact!. Lots of people stay in relationships simply because they fear being alone!. Right now Im going through a break up and I found out the other day that my ex was dating!. Im very jealous, though it is her right!. People tell me the reason why im not getting over it well enough is because Im not dating, and im starting to think I should be!. But I dont want to have to rely on somebody else I barely know to ease my pain!. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet, not just temporarily, but for a long time!. Im torn between the notion that people should be able to generate their own happiness from within, and the common belief that we need someone else to be happy!. At times I feel like I need someone, and other times Im just happy with myself, what do you think!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
G Most of us have been there and may well be there again!. It hurts like hell and all the good words don't help!. There is a thought that can help!. When my divorce became final I had trouble breathing because of the emotional pain!. A friend in sgi-usa!.org told me to say Nam Myoho renge Kyo for as long as it took to get over it!. I didn't know how it would help, but nothing else had worked!. After two weeks of an hour per day, I got the flash that of all the men my age in the world, I was the only one who had given her the power to hurt me!.

I could be one of the others and not care!. I flipped the switch to being one of the others and the pain disappeared!. I never looked back!. The next six years of being alone really felt good!. When that was finished I just used the same sentence to find my soul mate!. We have been happy for 15 years!.

Happiness is a decision, not a circumstance!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

If a person is unhappy, they will be unhappy alone, or together with someone else!. Sure, most people are wired to pair up, but that doesn't mean you can't be fulfilled alone also!. My advice, get yourself in order before you start dating!. When you feel comfortable with your life, and you want to add another person to it, start dating then!. But don't do it just to medicate your unhappiness!. That won't work!. Try to figure out what you want out of life, and go for it!. Don't worry about dating right now!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I totally agree with you!. You should not have to rely on other people to make you happy!. What you should do to ease your pain is to work on other things!. Distract your self!. As you know no one is perfect so you should try to work on your flaws you have!. Like for example getter better grades (if you think they are not high enough)!. When you see improvement in yourself you will feel more happy about your self and trust me you will be happy with your self all the time! Www@QuestionHome@Com

Try being on your own for a while, build confidence in yourself to the point where you do not need to depend on someone else, then you can take the time to find someone you can get to know who can be there for you if you really need someone there for you, instead of just jumping into a relationship to have someone to depend on!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's great you feel this way! I think what you are realizing is that as wonderful as relationships are, they are NOT the KEY to your happiness, or, rather, REAL happiness!.

Do some research on happiness, ie, read books, put some thought into what real happiness is all about!. Once you understand the role intimate relationships play in your life, I think you will see that having one isn't the soul purpose in life!.

Maybe think of it like this!.!.!.once you find happiness within yourself, you are like a cake!.!.!.yum, yum!.!.!.but when you find happiness with someone else, it's the frosting on your cake!.!.!.!.yummier!.!.!.but just cake is good, too!Www@QuestionHome@Com

No, you want to want to be happy alone!. I think that everything happens for a reason in perfect timing!. I think that my thoughts are my own but what if they aren't!? What if every thought you had was in perfect adaptation/reflection to your environment!? People get sad because they need to, no other reason!.

My opinionWww@QuestionHome@Com

To be honest i'm like that!.
I can't be alone i'm just a vulnerable person and i get quite unstable when i'm alone!.But i think what your'e trying to do is the best thing you can do for yourself right now!.Just find other things that make you smile like good friends and good music!.


ps-if it works out for you,tell me how it goes,maybe you can give me some pointers!.

:)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think happiness is a decision I make!.
My happiness is not dependent on anyone else!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

!.!.!.life is what you make it!.!.!.so, enjoy it the best way you know how!.!.!.
!.!.!.good luck!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Don't worry, be happy!.!.!.
Yes you can!.
Maybe if you progressed to actually finding a way to live what you have just expressed here!. In other words, simply realize that you can have both - time in your own space, and time with others!. It may be important to let others know that your time is important to you, or you may need long periods of time away for your job or something, however you want to put it, so you may have to find people that understand you and allow you to have your own space!. Just let people know how you live your life in the initial stages of your relationship(s) with them and then stick with the people that understand and respect you!. It seems like it may help if you establish your life the way you want it first, then find people that live like you do, or something to that effect!. A lot of young people are doing that these days!.!.!.

See now!?
How easy is that!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Hey it's me again your buddy!. I know exactly what you mean about the standing alone thing!. I 'm not going to date for a long, long, time and when I do it won't be that serious just a couple of friends!.

Most of the time I feel like I can't trust anyone, and why should I need someone else it will only hold me back!. I'm better off alone in this world, like I know I need friends but I don't need someone else to make me happy, I can do that myself!.

Actually when I think about I don't understand why most people must have that one speacil person in there life!. I do't feel like that to me it's kind of just like getting your self hurt!. You trust them, and trust and they build up your trust, then just betray everything you've built up!. and leave lying on your back in a house that doesn't feel like home anymore!.!.!.!.!.!.!.

Anyway sorry if thats kind of depressing!. But what I mean is you don't need someone else to live with, trust and go through life no matter what all the songs say you just need you!. and if you feel like getting that one person it's your choice, but remember you don't NEED one!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

One of the most disastrous myths (which most people believe) is that ONE PERSON is supposed to provide all of our needs!. I don't expect the postal carrier to fix my phone or the bank clerk to sell me lottery tickets but in comes UNIVERSAL LOVE, TRUE LOVE, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, all these bogus notions!. Love of another person is a FEELING and as such can't even change a light bulb, let alone turn one woman (or man) into a Jacqueline-all-trades!.

No one can make your life work but you, a needing people does not make you any less (company is a biological necessity!.) But one of the most useful endeavors in the life of an adult is learning how to spend time alone!. Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'm in a rather similar situation myself!. I am dating and keeping things very laid back!. I am honest with people that I'm not looking for anything serious and I am learning more about what it is I really want!. Being single and being a hermit are two diffierent things!. If you prefer, right now, to just not bother dating then I'd say spend time at home or in classes building on your career or hobbies!. If you just want to stay unattached and unfettered by romantic ties though, you can still date, go out and meet people, be social and have fun!. It's all in the honesty upon approach!.

If, to go deeper into this question, I'd say that you are worried that you aren't sure what you want and that you are worried that if you date you might find someone you can sink into and forget that what you're really trying to do is learn to be happy!. Set boundaries for yourself!. Everyday remind yourself of your goals and intentions and don't compromise!.

No one can MAKE you happy!.Www@QuestionHome@Com