The context or background of this question is derived from recovery of a breakup that is emotionally and physically draining my life!. The affair lasted for 5 months and the breakup is 2 months old as of now!.
From the body point of view, it is so easy to understand, practise and master the art of having sex with multiple bodies out there during one's life-time!. Although morally, a woman would be called a whoore and a man would be called a piimp while doing that!. But at least you have some idea how to attach and detach your body from multiple people out there!. I know a popular saying that "you'll love again" but frankly speaking, that is a self-deciet that you continue doing physically by having sex with multiple men/women out there until the day you die!. Sorry, if that offends you!.
From the soul point of view, I'm so much confused and it is the daily carnage and blood bath that I'm having with myself deep inside me that is driving me so crazy!. Am I giving too much importance to morality, religion, rules of engagement, values of life instead of being myself!? Or is there a special combination of strategic efforts and techniques of my soul and body together to become normal again to fall in love with someone else after this breakup!?
I've read numerous articles, how-tos, books, tips, dating, psychological sessions with psychiatriast, elders' advice, Yahoo Answers, etc!. during last 2 months and have even gone to the other side of earth in totally different continents travelling thousands of miles away from her and spending time with my loved ones, family, etc!. But nothing seems to work!. I don't know why can't I forgive myself for such a deceit, misery, and tragedy of a life-time!. I think I had heart big enough to forgive her for the sake of my own kids and her kid/family!. By being trashed like this, my soul has been murdered in a daylight and there seems no remorse for me for crimes committed in the name of heart and love!.
The most stupid, foolish and illogical, yet conclusive thought that seems to come to my mind over and over is to commit suicide!. That gives my soul a soothing thought that at least internally, I'll stop bleeding in pain due to my soul being inside a body which was so close to her once upon a time!.
But then again, suicide over a woman, it is another crazy stupidity after a stupidity of blindly falling in love with someone who was on meds, going through a divorce and having slept with 10+ men out there by the age of 27!. Right!? I do want to live instead of cowardly committing a suicide but I see no other alternate solution out there except decieving more women out there into "I love you" and ultimately keep on weakening my soul's character and strength!. That is what probably happened to her when she continues saying "I love you" to many multiple men out there and seems doing perfectly all right with the combination of anti-depressant meds and physically or morally torturing herself!. I simply shiver with such a fearful thought that I'd end up one day exactly like her!.
I know I'd be called a drama queen or pity party or venting my anguish!. I hope you'd give my feelings enough importance to at least share your own thoughts about my situation!. I've a belief that we are all ONE being, and simply distributed into different bodies and souls!. By addressing you, I'm simply reaching out to someone who knows me very well!.
I've never wasted a single moment of my precious life before I met her!. The thought of her asking me for a hug at the end of our first meeting 6 months back keeps on bothering my mind that how can a mere hug take someone's soul and body away just like that!? A few moments later of that hug, when she was walking away, I could not stand on my feet and fell on the bench!. She looked back and wondered what happened to me and I was simply shocked, thrilled, excited and what not!. She walked back to me on that bench and something started which should have never started!. That was probably the beginning of my end (sad)!. She is right now a stranger to me, who probably cares for me, but does not love me!. We've both verbally and physically abused/insulted each other and she has even head-butt my face into bleeding when we were together and I had to slap her for doing that!. However, as a man, I controlled the situation from becoming worse by letting her go with her mom!. During my obsessive love with her soon after this breakup, she begged me to end my life by committing suicide!.
I don't know whether I'd again give any serious thought to someone saying to me the usual stuff like "I love you", "All others used me", "You are my hero" and "you have my heart forever"!. Obviously a mentally stable and healthy person would fall in love only to end up being another trashed victim!. Those type of women don't appear as a fling as she'd always show traits of a woman looking for a husband!. That is the reason I fell for my Ex (sad)!. I wanted to have a family with her!. But probably things wWww@QuestionHome@Com