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Position:Home>Philosophy> Am I a bad person for thinking this way?Question: Am I a bad person for thinking this way!? I am allways caring about my friend giving her alll my attention and care and allways making sure she is ok!. I feel sort of bad for askingthis is it ok that I wish for once she would check up on me Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: No, I think it's perfectly normal for you to feel that way!. Sometimes when we give a lot to our other friends they might not return it in the same way!. There are the different 'love' languages actually!. 1) words of affirmation 2) spending quality time together 3) receiving gifts and tokens 4) receiving acts of service 5) physical touch Everyone shows how they care about each other in a different way!. It sounds like you show your friend that you care about them by I'm guessing spending time together!. And it's normal that the way you show love to others you want back in the same form!. But perhaps there's another way that your friend shows how they care about you!? Myself for example, I tend to prefer words of affirmation, but my friends language is receiving gifts!. So when we first started out as friends it was hard to get why we always got into disagreements!. But it's been a few years later now and we've both realized how to show that we care about each other!. So I would suggest that you talk to your friend about it, and just try to get to know each other better!. But on the off chance that your friend doesn't really value the friendship, I would suggest that you try to find out how much your friendship really means to them!. Have you known this friend for a long time, or are they new!? also, don't get into a heated debate about it!. Try to find some examples of how this friend has abused your relationship and then discuss it with them and look for a compromise!. Friendships are always worth it!. Best of luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com If you're doing all the giving in the friendship, and she's doing all the taking, you might want to re-assess the friendship!. If she cares so little for you that she'd not check on you to see if you're okay then she doesn't care about you as a person!. If this is the way the friendship is, then maybe you need to find a new friend!. Someone who will care about you as much as you care about her!. It is not bad on your part to want to be, and expect to be, cared about by your friend!. That's what a HEALTHY friendship is!. The mutual giving of oneself to the other!.Www@QuestionHome@Com No, that's not bad, although it might sound kind of selfish! :-) What you're wishing for is for your friend to reciprocate which is what a healthy friendship should be!. A good friendship means that both friends care about each other and check up on each other!. What you can do is talk to your friend about this!. Say something like, hey, I like that we're friends and I really care about you, but I'm kind of feeling a little left out!. I feel like I'm doing most of the work on our friendship and I feel like you don't really care about me very much because you don't ask how I'm doing and sometimes I need a friend to check up on me!. Can we make sure we check up on each other from now on!? Anyway, something like that!. Try to be kind and realize that you're not a bad person for thinking this!Www@QuestionHome@Com No, you're not a bad person, and never believe you are!. If anything, I would advise you to be more assertive!. I usually share your attitude and put others before myself, but sometimes it's more healthy to stop and think, "Is this person imposing on me!?" or "Is that actually fair!?" or "Am I happy with this!?" If you told her your feelings, what's the worst that can happen!? Put your happiness first, or else, you'll get walked on!.Www@QuestionHome@Com No, of course not!. You are obviously a very giving person, but don't let people take advantage of you!. She may be too used to this treatment that now she doesn't realize that you want more back OR she is selfish!. I would bring this concern up with her and let her know "hey, I value your friendship, I just don't feel like it's going both ways"!. You don't have to turn it into an argument or worry about losing her because she is your friend!. You should have friends that care as much about you as you do about them!. You deserve it!. If she doesn't change or when you tell her how you feel, she reacts badly, I would seriously consider not being so available to her!. Take care of yourself and never be afraid to ask for what you want! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com No that is perfectly alright to wont her to care for you as much as you do for her!. It takes two to tango if she's not dancing then y'all aren't Tangoing you are she's not !. When you put out care you need to get some back in return!. I had a friend that always cleaned up after his roommates they really didn't notes until he left and then they saw how messy they were, so maybe she just doesn't see that your caring and shes not!. But if she is a good friend then I think that she will under stand if you just come out and tell her how you feel!. but very carefully you don't want it to sound like (YOU DON'T CARE I''M GREAT AND WONDERFUL WHATS WRONG WITH YOU, CAN'T YOU SEE HOW CARING I AM! THANK ME HELLO) And even if you don't think it sounds like that she might!. Good luck! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com Not at all!. Relationships are a two way street, metaphorically speaking - just as you give time, attention, and thought to her, you should be able to expect the same back from her to you!. It's!.!.!. well, it's respectful, but beyond that, it's kind of the kernal of what friendship is!. You care about her, which seems apparent - but you also want some indication that she cares about you!. Www@QuestionHome@Com I know exactly how you feel! I am just like that with My Best Friend that I consider my baby sister!. I always look out for her and protect her!. I constantly tell her I love her and check up on her!. However she is just lax about everything and I want her to be concerned about me just as much as I am about her!. I think you need to confront your friend like I did, you two will be closer and you'll feel a little better!. If she takes it the wrong way obviously it's a one way relationship, and that's not healthy!. Www@QuestionHome@Com +This story is identical to me for which I too did the same thing!. Suddenly I went off to tour intimating her and will meet her after my return I came back after 45 days and during this period she got married to some other person may be by the elders who might have brought proposal and got her settled!. After my return on my way to office I met her she was just trying to avoid to talk to me and when I persisted her what went wrong and made her talk and then she told my in one simple sentence that I got married, I was shocked to listen and immediately without any second thought I forgot her forever so she can lead a better life and I will search my life partner and due course I too got married with the blessings of my elder sister and father who made necessary arrangements!. After my marriage my ex girl friend she met me on the way and asked how is your married life and still I remember or come into dream, I just said no, since girls are after-all girls and love is after all love only thing the same love and affection I can't generate to my wife!. She smiled and asked me to company for a cup of coffee at a restaurant and thereafter regular interval coffee-break we use to have on week end!. What should we say to this a good ending friendship without any jealous/frustration at both end and a good day to day night sleep but at what cost and what culture we are going into!.Www@QuestionHome@Com No, it's not!. Of course if you offer care for your friend you really want to receive some sort of appreciation back!. Perhaps she doens't show her emotions in that way!. If she doesn't treat you well or you feel horrible around her, you should find someone that will appreciate your friendship!. Www@QuestionHome@Com Yes!. It's never a bad thing to want the same courtesy as you would give someone else (especially when you do on a frequent basis)!. A returned favor is something that should be given without thought - it should be a reaction, not something to ponder!.Www@QuestionHome@Com if this is bad then we all are bad people it is natural for you to wish that she checks up on you because you do soo much for her if shes a real friend she has to do something back to you or else it ould seem selfish of her to just get the attention off you and do nothng in returnWww@QuestionHome@Com you are NOT a bad person if you spend all this time on her, can't she return the favor!? ESPECIALLY since your sick!? she may be taking your attention for granted and tell her how you feel or you will always be on the giving side of the relationshipWww@QuestionHome@Com I suppose if you are always checking up on her, she'd have no need to check up on you!.!.!. because you are there before she even has a chance to wonder where you are!. Doesn't make you a bad person though!.!.!. Try ignoring her for a couple days and see what happens!?Www@QuestionHome@Com No, its makes sense!. If i was you I wouldn't lose to much sleep over it!. I would say you should pretend to care less about how she is!. She might notice and wonder what has changed!.!. then she might ask you if everything is ok!. idk, but i'd give it a tryWww@QuestionHome@Com Relationships, and Friendships are give an take!. Sounds like the other person is not giving back and is depleting you emotionally!. You are not a bad person!. Sounds like you are very unselfish person!. Www@QuestionHome@Com not a bad person but you have to give without expectations of the same treatment!. I have always been too nice and had to learn that lesson after getting my feelings hurt a few times!. Www@QuestionHome@Com you aren't a bad person at all! everyone deserves some attention and maybe if you ask her how she is, she might ask you back, just give her time!. hope that helped, from kirsten!.xWww@QuestionHome@Com I have a friend like that too!. I thought we had a really good friend ship but I realized she was to self consumed and I had to distance myself from her for a bit!. It turned out for the better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com you should tell her how you feel!. you're definitely not a bad person for thinking this way!. any kind of relationship is a 2 way street!.Www@QuestionHome@Com No, but you shouldn't be doing favors for your friend expecting them to be returned, but instead because you want to!. Otherwise, you aren't really doing anyone any favors!.Www@QuestionHome@Com i totally know how you feel and i think it's not bad at all to think that way!. Sometimes you just need a little in return, right!?Www@QuestionHome@Com You may be to nice, but there is no way that could make you a bad person!. Just be cautious that people don't take advantage of your kindness!. Www@QuestionHome@Com no its not your just wanting something in return, stop caring so much and she'll realise what she is missing and maybe will appreciate it moreWww@QuestionHome@Com no, we're all human!.she's just caught up in her own problems that she fails to acknowledge yours!. Stick with her through her problems, or if its on your mind, tell her about how you feel!.Www@QuestionHome@Com she only cares about herself or maybe she is lacking self esteem!. she should check up on you!. that's what friends are for!. Www@QuestionHome@Com no your not a bad person!. alot of people would feel like that, especially if your always looking out for her!. you seem like a great friend! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com This seems to me like one of those idiotic, half witted attempts at sympathy questions!. No, it's not bad!.Www@QuestionHome@Com yES THAT IS NATURAL TO THINK THAT WAY!.!. Just let the person know how you feel one day!.Www@QuestionHome@Com No dont feel bad!. You are a good friend and if she cant be bothered to care about you then i wouldnt bother!Www@QuestionHome@Com It's not bad for thinking that way!. You're friend (whether she knows it or not) is being selfish!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |